An experiment in this thing called Life

Occupy Austin Eviction (part 1 of 2)

2012-02-12T04:23:00.001+01:00

I'm not one of those people that is scared of the police. In fact, I generally think that police are trying to do their best (I actually believe this is true of almost all people – we just define best very differently).

Saturday night I was scared of the Police. Although this story is about Saturday night, let's start with Friday to set the scene.

Friday night, about 10 pm, I got a text from stating that eviction was imminent. Immediately we left our fun night of board games and headed to City Hall. It was a warm February night and rain was on the way.

We arrived at City Hall about 10:20 pm. The scene was I imagine in books or a country that is under martial law. There were police surrounding City Hall in riot gear. There were cop cars blocking the streets around City Hall. Police were barring more people from entering the premises. I saw a few of my friends running back and forth between the free parking lot and City Hall trying to organize trucks and cars to remove all personal belongings before the police took custody of them. Everyone was in a frenzied, harried state. No idea what would come next or why we were being evicted.

At this point we decided to stay far from the fray. Instead of trying to get onto City Hall property we intentionally stayed away from Police and potential arrest. In case this became a violent situation I was ready to be the person that reported on it. As a member of the Occupy Austin media team I contacted more members of the media team, who I knew were not at City Hall, and informed them of the situation as it was unfolding. I took pictures of the Police in riot gear as they descended from the City Bus, now labled “APD”. I watched as more than 100 police approached my friends. I did not know if this would be an incident like the one in Oakland that would end in tear gas and mass arrests. I did not know how this night would end. I was scared.

I saw people being arrested. The cops carrying people from City Hall Plaza to the vans awaiting them. I did not know if they would take everyone or just a few. I knew that doing what I was doing was important, but at the same time I felt guilt because I was choosing to let these people that I have been organizing with, marching next to and creating the revolution with risk arrest and bodily harm while I watched. After a few arrests the remaining Occupiers began marching. They took the tent (the one symbolic tent of our Occupation) and marched. They gathered in a park near City Hall.

Just as we approached the gathered Occupiers police also began approaching the park. We left and began walking in the other direction. They began marching and chanting and took to the streets again. We walked away. Again aware that I was walking towards my own safety while I left my friends (and dare I say family?) in peril. We walked and walked. Trying to keep an eye on this misfit protest that had no where to go. Then it started to rain.

The rain was not playing with us. People had been kicked out of their homes into the streets to wander as the rain approached. It was now storming. We lost sight of the protestors. It was hard to tell who was a part of the protest movement amid the many people out to party on 5^th and 6^th street. I tried to spot those I knew.

It continued to rain. We tried to follow them but they were lost in the rain drops that drenched all those who dared to go out – protestors and revellers alike.

Around 2 am we decided it was time to get home and get to work. We wandered back to the car which was parked about 4 blocks from City Hall. There were a few Occupiers huddled under an awning. We stopped and spoke with them briefly. They had broken up about the same time that we decided to head home. The Occupiers left had made sure everyone had a place to go that night. We headed back to the apartment and began the long work of writing a press release.

I was in an emotional state, unable to think clearly, but I knew that we had to have something to give to the Press by the morning. We stayed up and we worked and we wrote and we wrote and we edited and we edited. Around 5 am we went to bed. I'm proud of that Press release. I'm proud of the way we are handling our eviction.

That was my Friday night. Saturday night was a whole different experience.... and another blog post.

Three months and going strong

2012-01-11T04:01:00.008+01:00

This past weekend was the three month celebration of Occupy Austin. It was a great weekend. Mostly it was great as a bonding experience. We are a group of people that are trying to do something radical. We are trying to create a new world that values people over profits. This is hard work. It is the work that needs to be done and we are the people that can do it. We are all tired and scared that we won't succeed. We are all hopeful and scared that we will. We have only been doing for three months in Austin. We are planning for the long haul. Every once in a while we need to just celebrate. That's what this weekend it was and it was amazing.

We had a party on Friday night. A mobile dance party. It was a surprise to the police, honestly it was a surprise to us. We were not sure of our path before the march and we wandered from park to park with our tents and our mobile dance party. We wandered the streets of Austin. We went to the Capitol of Texas and danced on the steps of the Capitol. We wandered to 6th street. The street of parties and drunkards and many people who could join us. We danced with them. We showed them that we are just like them. We are all working very hard and we all need to relax. We had publicized our three month anniversary. Many people came out to join us who had not been out much. Our celebration was a great way to introduce them to our movement. If you think that the movement is all hard work and no fun than we have already lost. Living to make this new world is living a life that has purpose but it is challenging and fun.

On Saturday we had teach ins. There were some on political theory. There was one on Twitter. I taught one on our General Assembly Process and Consensus. I had not publicised this as much as I could have. I thought that no one would show up. On a beautiful Saturday afternoon about 10 of us gathered on City Hall property to talk about consensus. It is pretty amazing to see that people actually care about how we talk. How we talk is at the core of who we are. If we talk in a way that is respectful of all people and lets others talk and listens then we are beginning to form the new world. The way we talk to each other and make decisions affects who we are as a movement. I had the honor of teaching people about this process. It was wonderful. I had the opportunity to share what I have been learning over the past few months. After such a great night Friday night it was exhilarating to see people coming back to do the hard work that it is going to take to make this movement something that actually creates this new world.

The Occupation at 2 months and 24 days

2011-12-29T23:48:00.005+01:00

Last night Occupy Austin held a General Assembly at the Capitol. (We've been doing this for about a month now). It might have been the shortest GA in Occupy Austin history. It clocked in at just under 25 minutes. I know, pretty amazing huh! I think it's amazing though that we still came out and we still followed our process and we still are doing what we're doing.

Maybe this doesn't make much sense, but I think Occupy Austin is doing okay. I don't want to say there aren't things we need to improve (and many of them!) but I do want to say that we're doing pretty well.

Three months I had never even heard of Occupy Wall Street, Consensus Process or Guerilla Gardening. Now, I know what all of those things are. Two months ago I could not even make it through an entire GA before I thought it was 'too late' or this is 'too boring'. Now, I am part of the facilitation team and moderate GA's at least once a week. I have edited more Press releases and newsletters in the past two months than ever before in my life. We are making this Occupation a reality.

Reality is not necessarily pretty, but it is real. Our Occupation has much to improve on, but I think we need to start seeing that we're not doing too badly.

We're doing something that has never been done before. We're writing the new American History. We are creating the future that we want to live in right now.

I attended a 'Strategy and Tactics' meeting a few nights ago. This meeting made it clearer than ever before that the Occupy movement is not a political movement. We are not concerned with just making politics better. We are concerned with the whole society. We are trying to find a way to build a society that values people over money. We have lived for so long in a world where everything is based on monetary value. You pay for what you learn in school. If you have a job, you are valued based on how much you earn for that job. As a culture we say that the money we earn gives us value. That is why people have been spending more than they earn because they are trying to create the illusion of value with things. Yet, we all know, somewhere deep inside us, that our value does not lie in anything monetary. Our value lies in our humanity.

Last night I caught the very tail end of the women's meeting. We had an incident of domestic violence that caused many of us in the movement to realize just how much we need to educate and empower all people. If people are empowered than they will say something when they see something. Speaking up is valuing someone else's humanity.

We are learning to Occupy. We are learning to live.

Check out the Austin Chronicle Photo Spread on Occupy

What is 'endorsing'?

2011-12-18T00:15:00.003+01:00

A few weeks ago a proposal came before the General Assembly of Occupy Austin. (I was on the facilitation team so I was not an active part of this discussion - but an observer). In my opinion the proposal was ill-formed and should not (and could not because it was not clear what was in fact being proposed) be consensed upon. Nevertheless, the General Assembly gathered that night consensed on the proposal.

It was, more or less:

"I need $125 dollars for some supplies for an action. We are either going to have this action in this city or in another city."

Although the supplies needed for the action were the same, the action itself would be different depending on the location. Furthermore, the legal ramifications of these actions would be completely different depending on which action was actually undertaken. During the discussion of the proposal it became clear that not only was the proposer asking for the funds to purchase the unspecified supplies she was also seeking Occupy Austin's endorsement of the action. This is where it becomes tricky. If she was only seeking funds and the same supplies were needed no matter which action was actually chosen then this could have been done. Seeking endorsement for two completely different actions with different outcomes should not be done in one proposal. (However there are questions about if simply giving money is a form of endorsing)

This proposal has been hashed out in many facilitator meetings as an example of what not to do. Yet, it still passed. If that had been the end of it that would have been, simply, a learning experience.

However, when the action took place eight occupiers were arrested, three of them from Austin. They are possibly facing felony charges. Since Occupy Austin endorsed this action at a previous GA we are facing a litany of legal and ethical questions. Does Occupy Austin owe those that were arrested bail and legal support? (Occupy Austin can, and does, bail anyone out who is arrested while engaging in an act of Civil Disobedience for the Occupy Movement.) The tactics that were used were beyond normal Civil Disobedience tactics. Where does Occupy Austin, as an organization, draw the line on what it can endorse? Does giving the money to support this action mean that we, as a movement, endorsed this particular instance of Civil Disobedience? This action was poorly planned and, in my opinion, hurt the reputation of the movement and it's relationship with Labor. What does it mean that Occupy Austin endorsed this? Did Occupy Austin endorse this act?

I know I'm ending with a lot of questions - but I guess I still haven't figured everything out in my own head yet. I'm putting this out here to get feedback and see if anyone else has any ideas/opinions/feelings about this.

Some time off and some time to reflect

2011-12-10T20:37:00.002+01:00

This past week I've only been down to Occupy Austin a few times. I could only make it to one GA. Although, I really wanted to participate in other GA's previous commitments prevented me from doing so.

What is great about this is that Occupy Austin is still going strong. This movement is so much bigger than me. The Occupy movement is so much bigger than Austin. We have just gotten started. All of us that are involved in Occupy on a daily basis need to take some days off. We need to remember that as much as much each of us brings to this movement, we will not bring anything if we burn out.

I plan to be part of this movement for a long time. Whatever happens this movement will shape American history. Some of my friends at Church were saying on Sunday that the Occupy movement has restored their hope in this generation. We look to the 50's, 60's and 70's and think of the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam protests. This generation has never protested on such a large scale. We are finally standing up for our rights.

We are writing history right now. I am offered an opportunity that only comes once in a lifetime. I am part of the positive change that is sweeping this country. I am so honored that I can bring my voice to this movement - I am also deeply aware that this movement is so much bigger than my voice. It's not about me - but it is all about each of us individually coming together.

I am going to go back on Monday, refreshed and ready to keep on fighting the battle for justice. I'll leave you with one of the chants we said at Monday night's GA.

One - We are the people.
Two - We are united.
Three - This occupation has just gotten started. (repeat)

Problems in this country

2011-12-09T04:23:00.002+01:00

Here is a Rick Perry campaign video:

I am disgusted. We have so many problems in this country. Number one is the way that money has corrupted our politicians so that they no longer represent the interest of the people. Gay people are not a threat. There is no 'war on religion' - unless it is a war on Islam.

I pray that this man is not our next President. God, help us!

Good job news?

2011-12-03T05:00:00.007+01:00

Today many stories in the news were about the amazingly low rate of unemployment, 8.6%, I believe. What I find striking is that while they were saying the private sector gained 120,000 jobs the Government cut over 20,000 jobs. Overall employment is going up, but it looks to me like good, decent paying jobs with benefits (i.e. public sector jobs) are being cut and then they are being replaced by seasonal work that is paying lower wages without benefits. When I hear the term service sector employees I do not think high wages and benefits. How many of these jobs will be cut again in January?

Sure, more people have more jobs. But the real question is not how many people are employed. The real question should be whether or not those jobs can sustain the people that are doing them. When an employee loses a decent paying job with benefits and then is hired somewhere else with minimal wages and no benefits those two jobs are not equal. We are getting sidetracked by the sheer number of unemployed people or the number of jobs created that we are ignoring that fact that people are working so that they can have their lives and their livelihood.

Let's stop looking at facts and figures and instead focus on individual's ability to live.

Getting Arrested? For What?

2011-11-21T05:42:00.003+01:00

On Thursday night five people got arrested at Occupy Austin. The fact that five people were arrested was covered on the local news station the next day.

If you watch that video you understand the importance of controlling the media. No one was talking about the 400 person march that happened Thursday afternoon. Instead the local news was talking about how five people had been arrested to protest power washing. Here's another Youtube video from Thursday night.

It's important that people get arrested for this movement. But, getting arrested is not the goal in and of itself. Civil Disobedience is used as a tool to make a concerted message. If people continue getting arrested at every opportunity than eventually the movement will lose some of it's strength. At Occupy Austin, right now, getting arrested is taking you out of the movement. The police, being very strategic, are charging people arrested with Criminal trespassing, which means they cannot return to City Hall. Therefore we have to think very seriously about when and why we are getting arrested.

I do support those that are choosing to get arrested, but I hope that if the future we can make these decisions as a movement instead of as individuals.

The declaration of independence.

2011-11-19T01:18:00.006+01:00

Last night was a rally and march of the Occupy Austin movement. There were probably about 400 people altogether. We had a rally at the Capitol focusing on education and then marched down Congress Avenue to City Hall where we held the General Assembly. It was pretty amazing to march with all those people and see that we all want change. I am always so impressed at the amount of energy and happiness that comes from a protest. If you've never been to a protest you may not understand the euphoria that you get. Seeing all the other people with their signs and their chants that you're joining with is a feeling that cannot be replicated. I imagine it is something like that feeling you get at a large music festival.

The GA last night was inspiring. More people were there than I've ever seen before. Most of the people from the march stayed. What I really wanted to talk about was what happened after the march and before the GA began. There was about 15 minutes in which we were all huddled around just waiting for the GA facilitators to decide how exactly they wanted to run this meeting. We had a guy with a guitar and we sang some songs. Woody Guthrie's "This land is my land. This land is your land." We did a few chants. We did a few "mic checks." (If you're not familiar with the "mic check" let me explain. Whenever someone needs/wants to say something that everyone should hear she simply says "mic check". Then everyone repeats "mic check". Then she says what she needs to say in short 3-4 word increments. After each pause the words are repeated by everyone in the crowd. This is a very effective way for a largish crowd to hear one person. This one person becomes everyone).

One of these mic checks was a reading of part of the Declaration of Independence. The young man read (and everyone repeated) this part:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,^[74] that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

The Declaration goes on to say:

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

I know these are long quotes - but bear with me, please.

What is happening at Occupy movements around the world is patriotic. It is in fact the same thing that happened in 1776 when the founding members of this country got together and said "We can't take this any more." I'm sure the British Crown would have loved it if they had asked permission for independence. I'm sure the British Crown would have been in favor of a petition. No, the founders of this country did not ask permission. They started a new government because it is the duty of the people being governed to stand up and fight back whenever the government stops doing its job. Its job is to help the people in securing their Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Every year there are more Americans that are living below the poverty line. Every year there are less Americans that have stable housing. Every year there are more Americans that are food insecure. It does not seem like our government it living up to it's end of the bargain. Therefore it is our duty, as patriotic Americans to stand up and make them take notice.

A feeling of hope

2011-11-16T06:11:00.002+01:00

Tonight's GA felt different. I don't know exactly how, or why, but there was something in the air tonight. Perhaps it was the rain; perhaps it was the aftermath of the destruction of Zucotti Park; perhaps it was the mutual acknowledgment of a problem and that things have to change. Occupy Austin is not dying. We had about 100 people at the GA tonight. That feeling was in the discussions I participated in and overheard. People were thinking about what we can do and how we can do it.

We are starting to plan for the future and not just the future next week but the future in two months, the future in March, the future of this movement. Although we live in an age when we think that everything and anything should be able to happen instantly, societal change never has been, and never will be, an instantaenous event. No, societal change happens through slow but steady exerted pressure. We are just beginning to exert that pressure. We cannot get sidetracked or waylaid by the small stumbling blocks in the road. No, this movement is bigger and more important than a food table or a welcome table.

Right now we desparately need to craft a social contract. There are many of us who are occupying 24/7 and there are many of us who are only at City Hall for the GA's a few hours before or after. Each of us has decided how we are spending our time. Yet, we are all occupiers. We are all equally important and equally a part of this movement. Occupy Austin is trying to craft a document that reflects our shared desire to live together and respects our need to have respect and have a plan for when that respect and trust is violated. Right now there is no trust. Some Occupiers trust some others - but there is no trust among the group. In fact, there is a high level of distrust. Once this trust is created than we can begin to live out our social contract.

I am hopeful that we will be able to create and live a new social contract. This lifestyle is going to be something that carries this movement on as we make the changes we seek. Tonight's GA had the energy of a movement that is just beginning to thrive. I hope, and pray, that Austin will be a beacon of hope for the Occupy Movement. We will become a center of this worldwide movement; our occupation can be an example to other cities of what can happen through our lifestyle.

Disunity. How do we overcome divisions?

2011-11-14T04:46:00.002+01:00

I went down to the General Assembly at Occupy Austin tonight. There is a lot of dis-unity going on in the movement.

A few weeks ago the police arrested 38 Occupiers and charged them with Criminal Trespassing at City Hall. This charge means that if they return to City Hall property they can and will be arrested again. This was a very strategic move on the part of the City. They wanted to prevent these people from participating in the movement. The Occupiers reaction was to move the GA just across the street from City Hall to a public park. This property is public property and all the Occupiers are allowed to be there. However, when this happened many of the people who camp out at City Hall stopped coming to the GA's. They wanted to stay with the food or stay with their stuff or were not willing to cross the street for whatever reason.

In reality, moving the GA did not create the division of those that have a place to a sleep at night and those that do sleep at the City Hall. Moving the GA has helped to exacerbate the situation.

Tonight the GA was out of control. There were about 40 people on the 'island' as it is affectionately referred to. There were about that many still in front of City Hall. The ones by City Hall even held their own GA. (reportedly, I did not actually see this happen). Most of the 'announcements' made were about the division that is becoming more palpable by the day. During the course of this GA I saw two people leave for good. This division is becoming something that threatens to destroy Occupy Austin.

There are those people that are living at City Hall. They are giving our movement a sense of credibility and visibility. People see Occupiers every day, all day, holding signs and chanting and reminding the City that Occupy Austin is not going away. The people living at City Hall are Occupying Austin.

There are those people that come after work or between class and work or before work or in between work and school and kids and volunteering and whatever it is that fills our time. Generally, these peopel are the majority in committees and in the working groups. These are the people that are facilitating the GA's and running the media group, the finance group, the info table and organizing the food. These are the people that are providing the structure of this Occupy Movement. (Obviously there are some people that are living at City Hall that are working to maintain the structure, but they are the vast minority).

I'm not sure what the solution is to this division. I have an idea that it starts with mutual respect for the role that both sides are playing. The second step is blending the two roles so that some of Occupiers that are living on site are playing a move active role in creating the structure of the movement. If things do not change within the next week (or two) this movement will die. We will just prove to all those people who think that change is impossible that they are right. We will prove to all those cynics that in fact democracy of the people is a failure and always will be.

I hope that we will not prove those things. I hope instead that this movement will learn and grow stronger by overcoming these struggles. The struggle here is not an ideological one. It is simply a practical one. We have physically divided ourselves and that has created an emotional and structural division. This Occupy movement needs to work on Unity and respect.

I hope, and pray, that this movement will find a way to move forward so that we can be a unified movement that makes a difference here in Austin and around the world.

Disclaimer: This blog is simply a reflection of my individual thoughts and ideas. I do not in any way represent the Occupy Movement or Occupy Austin specifically. If you want to know more please join us for a GA across from City Hall on Cesar Chavez between Lavaca and Guadelupe at 7 pm every night.

What is the purpose of the Food Table?

2011-11-10T18:05:00.002+01:00

I didn't go to Occupy Austin two nights ago. Instead I watched some of the GA on the livestream (along with 55 others). I tuned in just in time to see the end of a very heated debate about the food table. (The same food table that many occupiers were arrested to defend over Halloween weekend).

I assume that there was some sort of incident between the people receiving the food and the people giving the food. (I missed this part). Apparently, someone proposed removing the food table for one week. I can see how some of the occupiers might see the food table as the problem. If you see it as a service that the occupiers are providing for the homeless, you could see it as superfluous, as a favor that occupiers are providing for others. It is something that can be taken away as a punishment when those that are eating do not respect those that are serving.

However, if you recognize that people are hungry because of the way the 1% has rigged our system than feeding people is the first step in changing that inequality. We are in solidarity with ALL of the 99%. Many of those are our homeless brothers and sisters. The food table is a symbol of our commitment to equality for all.

I do have a critique of the way Occupy Austin is serving the food. The food is being served at the official Occupation site, which is City Hall. However, the GA's are being held at a separate site to accommodate the 38 people that are no longer allowed on City Hall property due to Criminal Trespassing charges. The food is supposed to be served at 6:30. The food fairy often arrives over half an hour late. In effect the GA and dinner are at the same time. For many of us, myself included, this is not a problem. I do not eat the food the Occupation is providing anyway. For those that are depending on the food provided as their meals this is a serious problem. These Occupiers are, de facto, being forced to choose between food and the GA. Although the GA is important, if I were in their shoes I would choose food, too. Therefore certain people within the Occupy movement are being disenfranchised of their participation. I do not think this is malicious or intended to harm. The timing of the distribution is setting up a two tier system.

People in the GA talk about their commitment to all people, but are not looking at how to make that a reality in small, practical ways. Perhaps I will propose that the dinner time bet changed. I am going to talk to the food magnet to see why the food is being served so late and if there is anyway it can be served earlier.

The Food Table is an important, and symbolic, part of the Occupy movement. I'm ashamed that someone thought of taking it away as a 'punishment'. As if we were giving food to people because they deserve food. We are giving food because people are hungry. I am also ashamed that we have not yet addressed the ways that our choices have had these unintended consequences which silence the voice of many members of the movement.

Why I like the Occupy Movement (or how to piss off occupiers and Christians in one fell swoop)

2011-11-07T10:53:00.002+01:00

Before I start this blog I want to make it absolutely clear that I am speaking only for myself. These ideas originated in my little grey cells and are representative only of my thoughts and ideas. I do not represent all Occupiers and I certainly don't represent all Christians.

I read this article a while ago that argued that Occupiers are not protesting at all. In fact, the Occupy movement is testing a new way of living. When people ask me about the movement I often say something to the same effect. The reason that these protesters have not made any demands is that they are not trying to correct the broken system. The Occupiers don't want to change one form of oppression for another equally damaging form. Instead the Occupiers are testing a new way of living. They are building, literally from the ground up, a new society with a new style of leadership and communication. They are making a new society right in the middle of the old one. They're testing a new way to live in this world that is still living in the old world.

If you've read my blog for very long you might know where I'm going with this. If you've talked to me much about my theology you might know where I'm going with this. (I honestly can't believe I didn't realize this until I woke up at 3 am this morning, unable to sleep).

In the Church we have this phrase the Kingdom of God (KoG for short). Too many people associate the KoG with this pie in the sky place that you go when you die. (This may be heresy, or my youth, but I'm not sure what happens we die. I do, however, believe 100% that Jesus came to preach about what happens here on Earth and how we treat one another in the here and now and he wasn't all that interested in an afterlife). The Kingdom of God is what Jesus talks about a lot. He says in the book of Mark: "The Kingdom of God is at hand" (1:15). In fact, "Many scholars, both conservative and critical, regard the kingdom of God as “the central theme” of Jesus’ public proclamation." (That came from this site) My understanding is that the Kingdom is already realized by the death and resurrection of Jesus, but also that it is not quite here yet. In fact, Christians are the ones that are supposed to bring about this new Kingdom.

This Kingdom is a new way of life. It is a way of living in which all people are treated with dignity and respect. The doorway to this kingdom lies in the way you treat those that are homeless, in jail, hungry, and without clothes. (Matthew 25:36-40). The KoG is supposed to be an experiment in a new way of living. This experiment is supposed to make people uncomfortable and perhaps even change lives. Jesus and all of his disciples were killed by the government. I don't think it's because they were trying to talk about what happened after you die. They were trying to change an exploitative system that rewarded the few by exploiting the masses. Sound familiar?

All of this being said. I don't think that Occupy movement is the Kingdom of God. I do think, however, that it is getting a lot closer than the Church has been in recent years. The injustice and oppression in our society has been crying out to God for Justice. The Church has been refusing to answer (I'm not condemning the many Christians working for justice - I am condemning those that in Jesus' name are actively supporting hate and working towards making the rich richer while the poor become poorer.) The Church is losing it's relevance because it has stopped experimenting in a new way of living that is risky and challenging and bringing about something like the Kingdom that Jesus talked about. Luckily for us, God is bigger than the Church and can (and does) use all people to bring about God's justice. The Occupy movement looks much more like the Church than many churches today.

Job Growth and Income Inequality are directly linked

2011-11-06T00:25:00.012+01:00

Today I wanted to share a few images because of the power they project. Here is a chart from Slate.com's article on Inequality. (It is VERY long, but also worthwhile).

As you can see, the percentage of wealth that the top 10% of Americans (in 2008, anyone earning more than $109,000/year) has been going steadily up since the 1980's. (If you look at the top 1% the increase is even sharper). From the late 1930's through the end of the 1970's the wealth distribution in this country was actually improving (i.e. more people have more of a share of the wealth). Don't listen to people who tell you that income inequality has always been getting worse and that's "just the way it is.". Show them this graphic. Income inequality is something that our government policies create. Income distribution could be something that our government policies created - the government needs to the know that the people are not standing for this anymore. Our voices will be heard!

Here's the next image. It's a chart of the job growth by decade. The two following charts came from this article.

Interesting, huh? As wealth is distributed upward jobs are lost. The more wealth that is concentrated in the hands of the few the LESS jobs are created for the general American Public. (This is evidence directly opposed the trickle down theory of economics which argues, more or less, that if the wealthy have more money they will spend that money on creating jobs for EVERYONE. This is a main argument of the current Republican party and the Tea Party). Food for thought. Although this chart only goes back to 1940, you can see that the largest increase in jobs is exactly matched by the sharp drop in income inequality in the US. When the 90% (and really the 99%) have a larger share of the income more of them are employed.

As you can see, the more unequal income is the less jobs are created. At the beginning of this new decade what do we want for our future? Do we want more jobs or less jobs? Job creation does not happen when the rich have more money. We need to create policies that reward real income equality. Then we will see the job growth that is so desperately needed to get our country back on track.

Source for the charts on job growth.

The Great Inequality in Slate

Another relevant article in the Washington Post.

Disclaimer: I have recently joined the Occupy Austin Media Team. However, I am not a spokesperson for Occupy Austin. These thoughts and musing represent only my opinion.

What does it mean to be a leaderless movement?

2011-11-04T05:00:00.004+01:00

I went to the Occupy Austin General Assembly again tonight. The main topic of discussion was how we present ourselves, relate to, and communicate with the City Office. After the arrest last Sunday morning there was a hastily planned meeting with Assistant City Manager and Chief of Police. The City is a hierarchical organization. They cannot understand and do not know how to deal with an organization that is rejecting traditional hierarchical patterns in favor of consensus building. The Occupy movements have no leader, have no spokesperson, have no one appointed to represent them in any official capacity. Choosing such people would be in fact going against the movement.

This topic came up tonight in a seemingly inauspicious proposal to formalize the group of people that met with the City Officials into an 'official committee'. At first, I thought this was a good idea. The GA is the governing body. They should approve any group that is going to be communicating with the City. It's logical, right? In a hierarchical society, yes. We, the GA, give them the power to represent us to the City. However, in a consensus built movement that rejects hierarchy we cannot give any group a special license. The only decision making body of the Occupy Austin movement is the GA. Everything must go through this messy and difficult process. If the City wants to meet with Occupy Austin, some people will go. They will talk to the City officials and report back to the GA. They can then bring what the GA said back to the City officials. The GA cannot approve a pre-selected group of people. Instead, these meetings need to be open so that the full diversity of the movement can be included in the meetings.

Perhaps this is overreacting. But perhaps not. Yet, there is hope here. I think that the future of the Occupy movements is strong. Come and join. Come and see what Democracy looks like. It's not pretty and it's not one day every four years. The Democracy that the Occupy movements are building is bigger and more inclusive and more time consuming that what we call democracy in this country. It is neither for sale nor does it settle for the lowest common denominator. Instead this Democracy is a true exchange of ideas. These ideas enrich us all so that we rise to fulfil our potential instead of being satisfied with the unacceptable status quo.

Also, relating to yesterday's post: Greece called off the referendum.

Democracy or Capitalism?

2011-11-02T23:17:00.003+01:00

I recently read an article (here's a similar one in the NYT for my non-francophone friends) about the Greek Prime Minister's decision to give the people a referendum on the IMF reforms that are being imposed. He has decided to let democracy decide what will happen in Greece. The European leaders (and banks) are very scared that this referendum will end with Greece refusing the money (and the severe government austerity measures associated with the loans). Basically, if Greece does this they will be leaving the Euro zone - and so calling into question the viability of other countries (like Spain and Italy) staying in the Euro zone with their high GDP/Dept ratio.

This is a very serious situation. I do not mean to take it lightly. I don't know that this referendum is the right decision. I do think however, that this referendum is highlighting the clear difference between Capitalism and Democracy. When you have wealth (and therefore power) concentrated in the hands of the few only their interests are served. The people, in Greece, and everywhere are screaming out for real democracy and representation. In the US, we stand with Greece. We are against the austerity measures that our local, state and federal governments are imposing on us. Some government spending in out of control, but the more important side of the equation is the revenue side. Corporate taxation levels have fallen all around the world over the past 30 years. We no longer have the revenue to support the needs of the people. Instead of increasing this revenue by taxing large corporations and the very rich, governments all across the world are reducing services. Reducing services literally makes people go hungry, become homeless and die because of a lack of adequate health care. Increasing revenue will not kill companies. (It might in fact help them because the workers would benefit from the provisions of the government and therefore be a more productive work force.) Yet profit of multinational corporations has become the marker of a "good government" instead of how well the lowest in the society live.

We need to reclaim our government as a government by the people and for the people.

Update on Occupy Austin

2011-11-01T20:04:00.003+01:00

In my last post I talked about the presence of the Austin Police Chief at an Occupy Austin General Assembly. That was Thursday night. On early Sunday morning 38 Austin Occupiers were arrested. The arrest was peaceful. I think the arrests have given this movement a sense of credibility and purpose. I am also starting to become more involved. We'll see how things go....

In this post I want to explore the idea of different types of inequality. I read this article in the NYT. Basically, the author says that the economic inequality is spouted by those that live in large cities and see the rich around them becoming even richer. He calls this 'Blue Inequality'. He then goes on to talk about the differences between those that have college degrees and those that have only a High School Diploma (or less). This inequality he calls 'Red Inequality'. This inequality is about the differences among the 99%. Those with a college degree earn, on average, 75% more than someone who does not have a college degree. Those with a college degree are more likely to get married and to not get divorced. Those with a college degree are much more likely to send their children to college, continuing this cycle. While those with only a high school diploma are more likely to have children out of wedlock and be obese. This author posits that we need to address these 'Red Inequalities' because they are more pressing than the 'Blue Inequality'.

I first read this article and was almost convinced. The difference in staggering. Yet, I felt that something was missing. It seemed too like misdirection. I posted the link on my Facebook page. A friend of mine put this response up:

I disagree - the distinction is not false, but..
1) the blue inequality is beyond individual - it needs to include the power of corporations-as-people.
2) the blue inequality (when corporations are accounted for) can be named as a substantial cause of red inequality: labor market is shaped by the 1%
3) there is a third problem Brooks ignores: half of US is flat out broke - the median wage is $11 an hour / $28k a year - and this problem can also (conveniently) be traced to the blue inequality: US has a revenue problem. Most of us are too poor to pay enough taxes to run this joint, and those who have the money (the 1%) pay too little.
Finally, 4) Fixing the blue inequality is the easiest fix, and likely the most effective. Fixing Red inequality is what has occupied us for so long, and that one is a b!tch to tame; especially with no public funds to tap, and no good jobs to channel these folks to.
So no, focus on "blue inequality" is not wrong, it is absolutely correct, even though it makes centrists and conservatives uneasy. (He wanted me to quote his tumblr since his FB page is only for friends).

I appreciate his sense. The article made it seem like these two inequalities are completely separate. Is it a coincidence that the top 1% have increased their share of the wealth disproportionately while creating people that pass poverty down from generation to generation. The rich need the impoverished to maintain their power. Talking about how important it is to address unequal education opportunities while cutting funding for public schools because of a lack of revenue is outrageous! Those that do not see how structural inequalities lead to individual inequality are blinded by the ideologies they hear that are supported by what they see around them. Structural inequality is very hard to see - and very hard to change - but if we address the 'Blue Inequality' I believe that we will be creating the possibility for changing the 'Red Inequality'. Addressing one does not mean foregoing the other.

Occupy Austin

2011-10-28T06:05:00.001+02:00

I went to the Occupy Austin General Assembly tonight for the second time. The first time I left after about twenty minutes. I went because of a Facebook post saying that is was imperative to have a large number because the Chief of Police was going to speak. I rushed down (well as rushed as you can be on a CapMetro Bus) to find that the GA actually began much later than the advertised time. So I had some coffee with a good friend as we waited around.

I arrived shortly after the GA had officially begun. Tonight they used the 'human microphone' – a system in which everyone repeats after the speaker. (It is slightly disarming and yet creates intimacy. You say “Hello my name is Art” or “I'm here on behalf of Occupy San Antonio”. Using “I” statements that are actually about someone else somehow brings you into their world. But I digress....). After the general announcements were taken care of people were invited to present Proposals. They started with the Chief of Police. He spoke very briefly and reiterated the fact that the APD does not want to see a situation like Oakland or what happened a month or so ago in NYC. He in fact said that the APD is proud of 'their occupiers'. After he finished the man in front of me turned around and gave me a hug because, as he said, “that deserves a hug”. I felt a sense of joy that here in Austin the police are with us.

Apparently, my joy was not felt by all the protesters. After the Chief spoke he very quickly left – while his speech left a lasting impression. We continued to have a discussion because his very presence and speech may have violated the rules established in prior GA's. The discussion swirled around whether or not having the Chief of Police speak like that was remaining neutral. The Occupy Austin GA had decided, in one their first Assemblies, to remain neutral towards the police. However, at a later meeting they passed a resolution that all police communication had to happen at the General Assembly. Therefore there was some confusion about whether or not this was the time and place to have an officer speak.

The long (although only supposed to be five minutes) debate ended with the discussion leader saying that Occupy Austin was neutral towards the police which means “no positive communication and no negative communication and in fact means no cooperation at all. ”

One of the speakers said something that really hit home with me. The institution of the Police is there to prop up our government, which right now is for the 1% not the 99%. However, the police officers themselves are part of the 99%. We need to remember that we are not the 99% of people who agree with us and have jobs that fight the 1%. Many of us in the 99% are working, whether intentionally or unintentionally, with and for the 1%. The officers are not the problem, the problem can be the police. I hope, and pray, that Austin will maintain an open relationship with the individual officers, even if they are neutral towards the Police.

I don't believe that neutrality means having no cooperation. I believe that neutrality means giving all officers a chance to speak at the General Assembly. Giving them the same due that all other members of the 99% receive. No more and no less. In this long battle that we are waging it is important that we have the officers on our side. The Police will eventually side with the 1% - but if the officers are with the 99% who are the Police?

economy explained

2011-06-16T19:50:00.005+02:00

I just saw this video. It is great. I just really wanted to share it with people.

I'm angry about politics.... so what else is new?

2011-04-13T17:03:00.003+02:00

I listened to a 'debate' on NPR yesterday between two economists about the Congressional budget proposal that Paul Ryan made recently. It's very interesting because it clearly contrasts the difference between the conservative approach to government and the more progressive approach. The conservative approach believes, blindly that giving tax breaks to the rich will eventually get to the rest of us. However, there is no proof of this. In fact, in this interview, when the conservative economist is asked he simply reverts to his talking points. There is no proof, yet conservatives consistently take money from the poor and give it to the rich. If we want to talk about redistribution of wealth this is the redistribution of wealth that has been occurring in this country over the past 30 years. We are taking money from the poor and giving it to the wealthy.

Immediately after this interview, there was a story about how Wall Street is making more money than it has since 2000. Our government, state, federal and local are making tough decisions about who to lay off and which people's benefits to cut. These cuts will literally mean death for some people. People that are chronically ill or in need of medical treatment will not receive it. These cuts will literally cause people to become homeless and go hungry. These cuts are not about abstract numbers of 3 billion and 10 billion there. These cuts are about the people that I meet every day on the street or where I volunteer. Yet, while our government is making these tough decisions Wall Street is raking in more profits than ever. It makes me angry that the people in this nation are not crying out for more taxes.

When I'm making my personal budget and I do not have enough money there are two options. One, cut spending. Two, raise my income. If the government were an individual they are ignoring one half of the solution. Cutting spending might be necessary, however, personally, I would never cut my grandmother's housing, no matter how poor I became, first I would look for other sources of income. The Government however, would rather cut my grandmother's housing and food for my cousin and my health care before they even begin to think about the possibility of more revenue. At some point, more revenue needs to be on the table.

Furthermore, cutting money from poor people is going to hurt the economy. Poor people spend ALL their money. If the government gave poor people money in a stimulus that would help the economy and would encourage jobs. If businesses were doing more sales they would need to hire more staff to meet this need. Instead of having trickle down economics we need trickle up economics. Rich people don't spend all their money. They have savings and retirements and IRA's and 401K's and many other ways of keeping their money out of the economy. Poor people don't. They just spend to meet their basic needs. If the government really wants to keep the economy from completely tanking, they need to invest more money in the programs that help the poorest people. These cuts at all levels are going to make any kind of recovery impossible and perhaps turn what is already the worst economic crisis in 80 years into the worst economic crisis in American history.

Dilemma

2011-04-07T21:13:00.003+02:00

My life here in Austin doesn't feel as exciting, or epic, as my life in Geneva, which is why I have not been posting nearly as much. However, I have a dilemma that I would like to share with all of my lovely readers. (I will not start this as a letter to the reader, although I am sorely tempted to do so).

I am part of the online community, Couchsurfing. In the Austin community we have a message board which is used to organize community events, sharing of vehicles and other objects and general discussions. It is an open forum where anyone that is a member of the Austin group can post and/or reply to posts.

I saw a post a few days ago entitled "Shooting 'Good Friday' in Austin - open casting this Friday." Intrigued, I opened the message. It was a satire of the Christian tradition around Jesus' death on 'Good Friday' as made into a music video with Mel Gibson directing. At first I just thought, this is an insensitive post, it doesn't really matter. However, the more I thought about it the more offended I became. I am not usually offended by people's religious beliefs. People can believe whatever they'd like and I encourage them to express those beliefs in a open, honest and respectful way. This post was simply there to mock deeply held beliefs. However, this post is not expressing any belief - it is instead simply mocking the traditions around Good Friday. I know that if someone posted a similarly mocking post about atheism, or any other religion, people would be greatly offended. I also understand that as the dominant religion and culture, Christianity needs to be more understanding of the backlash against it. Whenever religion is to be the subject of debate it should be done a careful and thoughtful and timely manner. This satire was none of those.

Yet I have decided not to post a response on the forum. I am offended, but I think that the best option is silence. Responding to the message on the forum would not create an open and honest discussion. The person who posted the message, in my opinion, is not in a state of mind to have a discussion at all. Furthermore, if I respond the whole message is bumped up to the top of the list, further encouraging others to read it. If I do not respond it will slowly trickle to the bottom and eventually off the front page and out of people's minds. I believe that I am making the right decision, but it is difficult to stand by in silence when something I believe is being mocked.

Thank you, reader, for reading about my dilemma.

A New Year

2011-01-06T15:41:00.004+01:00

It is officially 2011. This past year flew by. I realized that I updated this blog half as much in 2010 as I did in 2009. Perhaps I did not have an incentive - perhaps I did not feel that my activities were as blog worthy. My life here in Austin is just as interesting, if not as seemingly important.

On Tuesday, where I volunteer, I led the devotional and based it on this passage.

n this passage Jesus is interrogated by Pharisee, Nicodemus, to see if he really is from God. His cryptic response says that to enter the Kingdom of God one must be born again. He then goes on to say that the Spirit of God blows where no one knows. I see Jesus restating the message I'm always seeing in the gospels. Jesus doesn't care for the structures of society - and that we don't know where we're going - but God loves us no matter our situation. We can see the first because Jesus is being trapped by this Pharisee, (the ones with power in the 'Church' of that day) but he does not fall for it. Instead he talks in enigmatic expressions and does not let the Pharisee hold his status above him. Jesus says you cannot come into the Kingdom unless you are a baby and powerless (born again). Then, when the Pharisee refuses to see this message Jesus points out that only God, the Spirit knows the future. We are trying to so hard here to create some semblance of control of our lives; of our surroundings; of our perceptions - but in reality we have no control. This is what Jesus is saying: God knows and God's spirit is with us, no matter where we find ourselves, no matter our station in society.

I really enjoy leading the devotional where I volunteer. I pray that my words can give God's hope to the women that I serve on Tuesdays.

When I started this post I meant it to be about the new year coming up, but perhaps it is fitting that I do not write about that because we do not know where the Spirit is blowing us.

What I don't believe

2010-12-30T01:12:00.002+01:00

A few days ago at work a woman handed me a small tract entitled "You can rely on Me! - A message from Jesus"

It is published by The Family International. I accepted it and was going to throw it away when I realized that this was an opportunity to better understand those that also confess to be Christian. I read the small pamphlet and I would like to share my thoughts on it with you.

The pamphlet proposes a 'Christianity' that is a personal way to ensure your own safety. According to them, if you trust in Jesus and pray to Jesus than no harm will come to you. This ultimate, almighty, all powerful creator of the universe relies on us. If we only trust him and pray than we will be ensured safety. "I also need you to pray because that activates My ability to keep you and My power to heal and to save." The realm where this Jesus lives is the place where miracles are possible. If we simply believe in Jesus and pray to him we are going to be safe in this life and in the next to come.

Obviously, this is not the Christianity that I believe. The glaring contradiction is that this all powerful God who so loves the world that He sent His only Son, would then withhold that power while He waits for us to pray to Him. Can you imagine a Father who had a dinner prepared for his son watching his son go hungry while he waited for his son to say "Can I please have some dinner, father?" Is that the God that sent Jesus? I hope not. (In fact, this might be biblical) I cannot believe in a God that is so unloving as to wait for us to pray so that this all powerful power can be released.

If God is perfect and powerful than who are we to be needed by this God. If God truly loves us (even though we are not perfect) than why would God withhold any good thing from us, simply because we did not ask in the correct way. This can lead to self blame and ignorance of the miracle of life that is around us all the time. If we are always waiting to be perfect so that we can finally receive that miracle that God is holding out on us than we miss Life. We are not Living - we are simply waiting. When we make God into this powerful being that doles out gifts and favors in the form of miracles we are limiting both ourselves and God.

God is so much more than an almighty being that gives miracles to the righteous - God is the source of love and power and goodness in this world. God is the ability for the mother of a murdered son to forgive the murderer. God is the beauty of the sea ebbing and flowing continuously. God is when people choose peace over war. God is in the good things that people bring here on Earth. God is when two children share on the playground. These small every day instances are the face of God. This is the God that I can and do worship.

My 6 word autobiography

2010-12-07T05:34:00.002+01:00

A good friend of mine challenged me to write a 6 word autobiography. This is an exercise he does with his English students in Japan. Here is the one I just came up with. I'm not sure if this is an autobiography of my life or just of this moment. But, this is my 6 word autobiography. What's yours?

living doubted faith moving toward action

TWLI

2010-12-05T21:31:00.001+01:00

The Way Life Is. TWLI is the abbreviation they used in the Profound Journey Dialog as shorthand for the way life is. Life is a series of desires and limits. We desire good but are limited by evil. Polar opposites. We say light is the opposite of dark. Yet, these polarities, or opposites are not life. Instead life is the tension, or the buzz between the two. A good example is a magnet - the north and south poles are opposites, but the magnetic attraction comes from the energy flowing between the two. We can see the opposites in the Christmas story. There is a pregnant virgin. There is a king afraid of a baby. There are Angels singing on an otherwise silent night. A baby, born in a stable, to poor unwed parents is said to be the savior of the world. These opposites are there to remind us of the pull, of the buzz between these opposites where Life is. They are representative our struggle with our desires and with the very real limits of life. Life is not lived in black and white - instead Life is lived in the grey, but Life is defined and shaped by the black and white lines. When we forget those lines we forget the sacred in Life and everything and anything and nothing becomes meaningful; but when we say only those lines are sacred we lose the pulse and love and meaning in everyday life. Our job, as religious people, is to remind each other of the child that is born inside us that is that buzz and pull and tension of Life. We are to remind each other of The Way Life Is.

Disclaimer: Most of this post was inspired by, or direct examples from, a sermon I heard today at Church. I want to give full credit to Jim Rigby at St. Andrew's Presbyterian in Austin, TX.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-29T16:25:00.002+01:00

I know I'm a few days late - but I still wanted to post about gratitude.

I am grateful for so many things in my life right now.

I am grateful for my job, although I often complain about it, I am actually very grateful that I have one. Having a job, even if it is a job that I do not like much, gives me the freedom to search for a 'dream' job. I have the ability to be choosy.

I am also grateful for my friends here in Austin. I have managed to find a group of friends that I enjoy being with and that enjoy and support me for who I am. They do not tell me that I don't know how to dance or that I need to do something to be 'cool' enough to be their friends. In high school and in college I often had friends that would joke with me by putting me down. At the time, I thought it was fine, but I took many of those things inside and now I am learning how to have friends that encourage me. I am so grateful for these friends.

I am also grateful for my house and my housemates. I live with two lovely women. They are just wonderful and supportive. The owner of the house is pretty awesome too. This is an amazing living situation.

I am grateful for family. My family loves me so much and I love them. I love the fact that we are all adults. We treat each other as adults that we respect. It is an amazing way to relate to parents. My brothers are great too - it is nice to have one brother in town. We are all going to be together for Christmas! This will be the first Christmas in more than five years that we've all been together. I am so excited about that!

When I started this post I told myself I was not going to make a list of all the things I am grateful for, but then it sort of came out like that. I am so grateful and all of these things are true. So please excuse the cheesiness of this post.

Community

2010-11-24T02:18:00.003+01:00

I have been searching for a Church that 'fits' me here; a community that I can belong to, if you will. I have gone to a few different Churches, from small Episcopal Churches to large Episcopal Churches to larger 'Community Churches' to small start up Churches where everyone looked just like me (i.e. under 30, white and struggling, but also somewhat affluent and wearing plastic-framed glasses). This past Sunday I went to St. Andrew's Presbyterian. Now, this is strange for me because I am definitely NOT Presbyterian. Not that I have anything against them, but I like the Anglican Communion and the liturgy and tradition that comes through that into the Episcopal Church. However, after my weekend retreat where I heard the pastor from St. Andrew's speak, I decided I needed to go there. Fittingly the sermon he preached was on Community.

In my search for radicalism in a Church I had not realised that I was also looking for a community that would support me in and encourage me in my radicalism. Hearing the pastor, openly and honestly, explain why Capitalism is opposed to Christianity made my heart leap for joy. I need a Church Community where I can live my life so differently that I can begin to question what society says is important so that I live the revolutionary life that Christ is leading me towards. Community is about choosing human rights over property rights and compassion over competition.

The sermon on Community was based on the famous Acts 2 passage that describes the Early Church. (I wrote a paper on this passage comparing it with Marxism for a class my sophomore year in college, but I can't seem to find it... if I do I'll post it or a link to it). The sermon was inspiring in that it recognized that this description is what we are 'aiming' for, but what we will probably never achieve. The pastor also recognized that we do need healthy boundaries, but need to give and be more in community than we think possible or think 'normal' in society.

I feel like I've finally found my Community here.

Is the Church still relevant?

2010-11-22T03:10:00.004+01:00

Is the Church still relevant? That was a question raised (albeit briefly) at a conference I went to this weekend. The conference was organized by Barbara Wendland who writes this monthly newsletter. I went to a conference for Progressive Christians in Central Texas and, surprisingly, I wasn't alone. I live in the liberal bastion of Texas so I know that I'm not alone, but hearing the stories and being able to support those that live in small towns and go to conservative Churches was reassuring.

But, the question was still raised - is the Church relevant? At this conference of about 150 people I was one of 4 under 40. Most were over 60. I want to be clear that I do not believe that only people under 40 have the answers, but I do believe that intergenerational dialogue is important for the continuation of any type of organization. If in 20 years most of the people in that room are going to be dead or in nursing homes than the question has to addressed. One of the main speakers brought up the obvious point that almost everyone was 60+ and that almost everyone was white. (Did you know that there were liberal WASP's in Texas? But that is not an issue I can address because I am white). He said that we need to address this need; but the real question is how? The evangelical and fundamentalist churches are doing something right in this regard. They routinely have thousands of people in their 20's and 30's at their services. What can we learn from them? What are they doing that works? Another young person (38 - but in that crowd that IS young!) thought that there were no young people at this meeting because Faith, progressive or fundamentalist, is not relevant to the lives that young people are living. If they grow up in a mainline Church they see it as irrelevant and convert to Atheism; if they grow up in a fundamentalist Church they run away to Atheism as a reaction to the limited life they were subjected to in the name of god. Either way, most people my age end up Atheist.

Yet, I think that that answer discounts the reason that I go to Church and that most young people I know go to Church - faith and a desire for something more and something meaningful in the here and now. Another one of the speakers said that he thought that young people were drawn to Churches (or institutions) that take a stand. I think he's right. I think that the current Progressive Christian movement is so worried about opposing the Fundamentalist Christian movement that they forget to stand for something concrete. We (I am very much guilty of this) are so worried about being inclusive that we never say what we actually believe, that might offend someone. Everything is accepted. Although I do wholeheartedly believe that last sentence - everything is accepted by God - I also believe that there is a Right and a Wrong and that we have to stand up for it. We have to be able to call out what is wrong, in the name of Love. An example given at this conference was of two sons fighting. A parent would never let that continue. Out of love, for both children, that parent would stop the fight. Both children are hurt because of that conflict - the one that is physically hurt - but also the one that has caused the pain is emotionally hurt. Calling that act wrong and stopping it is not judgmental or hateful but is the only loving thing to do.

In fictitious examples it is always easy to spot the right and the wrong, but I am not sure how to do that in real life as it moves before me - but I know that I am at a place to start because the Church is still attempting to answer this question. The Church that does that is still relevant. A church that does not help to identify and call out injustice in this world is irrelevant and should be on it's deathbed because that church is not part of the people of God, although the individuals are very much God's people.

Atheism V. Religion

2010-11-16T03:18:00.002+01:00

On Saturday night I went to a party at a friend of a friend's house. At about 2:30 AM I got into a very civil (yet heated) discussion about Atheism with said friend of friend. I had never met this guy before, and maybe never will again, yet we had a very intense discussion about Religion and why he thinks it's a bad thing. I'll admit I had had a few beers by this point, but I still think that our discussion was meaningful to both of us.

I believe that Faith is a gift of God. Therefore, I can't really hold it against anyone if they're Atheist. Either they haven't opened the package God's given them, or maybe God hasn't delivered it yet - either way the question of Faith doesn't necessarily reflect on the person's level of belief. I did tell this young gentlemen to pray for Faith. Although he said he had never prayed in his entire life.

On Sunday night I went to Church with my roommate here. We have very different backgrounds. She grew up going to a large Southern Baptist Church in a Dallas suburb; I grew up going to small Episcopal Church in Baton Rouge. Although I would say my parents' theology has shaped me more than the Episcopal Church's Theology. However, this Sunday the Church we went to was held in the Gym of Austin High. There was a line of traffic to simply get into the parking lot. For me a 'large' church has a few hundred people in attendance. This Church probably had close to a 1,000. However, my roommate liked this Church because it is 'small'. Again, very different backgrounds.

I have been thinking about these two very different experiences this weekend. I honestly think that I have more in common, more shared 'values' with that Atheist than I do with most of the other 'Christians' at the Church I attended.

I feel hypocritical when I go to Church because I see that I am not living my life as a little Christ and that 'Church', often, is not encouraging that kind of life. When did Christ become a personal savior and not the savior of the entire world? If everyone on this planet was an evangelical Christian the 'world' would NOT be saved! Jesus came to create something new, something completely different, something so drastically revolutionary that we cannot even begin to think it is possible. When we start to live that, somewhat unknown, life we become little Christs - we become Christian. I have not been doing this lately and I see Churches, especially the Church I went to on Sunday, are so focused on Christ saving each and every individual person that they forget that Christ came to save the entire world.

My grandmother recently said to me: "How stupid is it to believe that God created people just so that He could save them." I know that I believe in God that is bigger than that.

Boredom

2010-11-10T05:13:00.003+01:00

The boredom that comes with not feeling quite at home, but also feeling right at home has set in.

I am staying in tonight simply because I feel like it. I could go out and hang out with friends, but I am staying at home watching TV (on the Internet) simply because it feels good. I am being lazy, but I like it.

The only thing I did today was volunteer. I have missed 7 weeks of volunteering! It was just as if I'd never left. I remembered how to do everything and some of the women remember me. I am happy I am back volunteering. I am reminded of how much the women living on the streets need. We all need something, but these women have their needs bared before us, the service providers. It is refreshing to see people so honestly needy and honestly asking.

I was preparing the devotional last night and one of the ideas that has stuck with me is that if we start taking God for granted we stop experiencing God's love. God needs to be a surprise for us, someone (something) that we rely on but that we never, ever begin to take for granted. I know that I have been doing that very thing. As soon as we take God for granted we no longer think we need God's grace. (I also think there are serious issues with taking people for granted... but perhaps that is a topic for another day).

I am spending the night at home trying not to take God or God's grace for granted.

Back in the USA

2010-11-04T00:27:00.002+01:00

As I write this my cat, Tuba, is sitting on my lap. I couldn't be happier.

Coming back from a trip abroad is always a bit strange. Language is one of the biggest differences. Everyone speaks English and you don't have to think about what to say in simple interactions. "Excuse me" is just "excuse me". You know that the grocery checker can speak your language. There won't be any surprises there. Another difference is money. I know money here; I know where it says how much the bill is worth, I know what a dime looks like instinctively; I am used to the green that is in my wallet. In my five weeks in Guatemala I never got settled with the money. I still had to look at the bills and the coins before handing them over for whatever I had bought. (assuming I understood how much money they needed). Yet today, I was looking at a handful of quarters and they looked too small. Most of the coins in Guatemala are larger and thicker. Quarters seem so tiny in comparison. Yet, even if they look strange for a moment I still know what they are and what they are worth.

I started my new job today. As expected all of the kitchen staff speaks Spanish. I will get to use some of my newly acquired language. In my new Greek restaurant I had 'tacos' served by Mexicans today. Multiculturalism at it's best.

I am happy to be back, even if I am still adjusting to being a US citizen in the US again. (I am NOT solely American, as I was told many times in Guatemala. ALL the people from North, Central and South America are Americans. People from the US are US citizens, in addition to being American. Guatemalans are American too, as are Canadians and Chileans and Brazilians, etc,etc.)

a weekend spent on chicken buses

2010-10-26T01:00:00.003+02:00

This weekend was spent traveling!

On Saturday I was determined to go to the beach. The fact that no one wanted to go with me and that my guidebook said the beach was not that great were no deterents! I was going to the beach. On Friday night I talked with my hostmother about my plans. She told me that the closest beach was only one hour away. She also suggested that my host sister and her friend go with me. Which she readily accepted. Great - I was going to the beach with two Guatemaltecas and it was only an hour away. Then Saturday came around. It turned out that neither of the girls could go and that the beach was really 2 1/2 to 3 hours away! I was still determined. I finally got on the bus about 11 am. (Remember these are old US school buses, but they insist on three people to a seat). On the second bus I was squished between an old lady and a woman with her baby in her arms. I was in the aisle near the front as people were still boarding. I tried not to elbow either the old lady or the baby. More standing and trying, unsuccessfully, to make myself guatemala sized. Then I got a tap on the shoulder "¿Do you want a seat back here?" Obviously I went with the man. This man and his wife were nice enough to give me a seat (of course all three of us were sharing one bench - but at least I was in the middle!). They had lived in Los Angeles for 18 years, so of course they spoke English. They saw a Gringa Americana as a good opportunity to practice English. My eyes teared up because they were so kind to me. I finally arrived in Champerico - a small industrial town on the beach that has black sand. Yes, beaches here in Guatemala have black sand due to the volcanoes here. I had finally arrived and found the beach. I went to the restaruant my friends from the bus recommended and I had some delicious, but over-priced, shrimp. I went and played in the water for fifteen minutes then headed back to the bus terminal. I had to be back home before dark, which is usually 6ish here. Somehow the busride back took even longer than the one there! I watched the sky darken from the bus window knowing that I was doing all the things I had been told not to do in Guatemala. I was on a Chicken bus after dark by myself. I finally arrived at about 7 pm. I decided to take a taxi, just for safety's sake. When I walked in the door to my house I felt so relieved. Yet, I had accomplished my goal. I had gone to the beach.

Sunday I went to some ruins pre-hispanic rule. They had both Olmec and Mayan relics! However, that is for another day's story....

a lazy day and planning to go back!

2010-10-23T02:05:00.002+02:00

I am really getting close to the time when I have to say Adios to this country... at least for a while.

I have made a good friend from the Church here. She and her fiance volunteer at a children's shelter and I might go with them this weekend. That would definitely be interesting....

I will post if I do.

I am also going to go to the beach on Saturday and go see some ruins on Sunday. So lots of things going one... but today has been lazy :)

I spent the morning watching a telenovela and then having a very long breakfast with the said friend from Church. It was so nice and relaxing. In the afternoon I made Pupusas with my host family and just hung out. (I actually know how to do this, so people can expect a Pupusa party in Austin and perhaps some at Thanksgiving or Christmas!) It is so nice to feel like I'm part of a family (even if I don't actually talk to them much). My family here is huge and I think they all live on the same street. I have my two 'parents' plus their youngest daughter. They also have two grown children who are married and have kids. But the sister of my 'mother' also lives near with her children, who are in their teens or twenties. A nephew or grandkid is always at the house. Plus last night a friend of the teenage daughter moved in because she is going to be taking summer school. So now there are two of us renting a room. I really love having family around... even if it's not 'my' family. I like just spending time with them and relaxing.

Tomorrow I'm going to a beach with black sand! exciting.....

just over half way through

2010-10-20T01:21:00.002+02:00

I am just over half way through my time here. I counted today and I have twelve days left in this amazing country. It seems amazing that I have so little time left and that I have already been here three full weeks. I feel like I have a pattern to my life here, but I also feel like I just arrived.

I think going out of town this past weekend helped me feel more at 'home' here in Xela. I am planning another trip for this weekend. We'll see where I end up. I enjoy traveling for weekends, it's a realistic amount of time for me.

Yesterday and today were good days in my Spanish classes. So far the highlights have been eating a home made tamale, going to the Bake Shop*, and meeting a grand neice of my teacher. It is all very interesting. I'm looking forward to learning how to make chicken tacos and playing Scrabble (en español por supuesto).

I am also going to bake for my host family. I am going to make one of my quiches for them next week. Looking forward to that too!

*The bake shop is a small bakery run my menonites here in Guatemala that has donuts and cheese and yogurt and all sorts of baked goods but it is only open on Tuesdays and Fridays!

not a traveler

2010-10-18T00:55:00.007+02:00

I've never really considered myself a traveler. That may sound weird, considering how many places I've been. But I've always moved to a foreign place and then traveled a bit from that place. Right now I live in Xela I'm certainly not a permanent resident but I have a routine. I'm learning my way around, I'm learning which places make the best coffee, I'm learning which places are 'tranquilo', I'm learning how much a taxi should cost from one place to another, and of course I'm learning Spanish.

This weekend I took on the role of traveler. I put some essentials in my backpack and with other couchsurfers got on a chicken bus headed to San Pedro La Laguna. San Pedro is a picturesque town on Lago de Atitlan. Lago de Atitlan is a huge lake surrounded by volcanoes. (Pictures are coming soon to Facebook, I promise).

Here I'm a traveler. The only purpose of our weekend is to enjoy the lake and be 'tranquilo'. I want do all the touristy things. I want to say in hostel with other foreigners and have the travel experience. I'm even writing postcards this weekend because I feel like I'm actually traveling.

I wrote the above portion yesterday but didn't go online to write it up here. So now I'm 'home' in Xela at my internet cafe with my friends from School. I'm just hanging out doing what I do feeling like I'm ready for the routine to start again tomorrow. Tomorrow is just another Monday here in Xela with Spanish classes at 8. I'm back to my 'real' life. I prefer this form of travel to the travel that takes you so many places so quickly.

problem solved!

2010-10-09T18:54:00.002+02:00

When I decided to leave my school I thought that I could continue to stay with my host family. This, however, is not the case. I found that out yesterday at lunch. My host mom, who has been nothing but wonderful informed me of this fact.

Therefore I was searching for somewhere to move into by Sunday. However, at dinner, my host mom, said that she had a friend who lives just next door that sometimes rents rooms to students. So after we finished eating we went and talked with him. He is probably about my parents' age and seems very nice. So, I will have a room all to myself (with a brand new bed) a kitchen, that I can use, plus my own bathroom. Basically, I'll have the bottom floor of the house for me and they live on the top floor. Plus they will give me three meals a day! All of that for about USD 7.50/day. Incredible!

I am very excited that I solved my problem. I am moving early Monday morning and I am beginning my new lessons Monday morning.

On a side note, we went Salsa dancing last night. So much fun!

sunshine and thinking about money...

2010-10-07T02:23:00.002+02:00

I worry and worry and worry and yet things always work themselves out. I really need to learn not to worry so much, but just trust that if I am doing what I need to be doing that things will come together. Clearly, this whole trip to Xela has been exactly where I need to be right now.

As many of you may know I came down here with very little money. In fact, if I spent very wisely I would probably still run out. It seemed like things were going to be very tight for me, until Sunday.

On Sunday I went to Church at the Episcopal Church here in Xela (yeah - who knew, right?) After, I went to lunch at Wendy's (yeah - who knew, right?) (also on a side note, I did not actually eat anything if that makes it better somehow). As I was talking to the others there they mentioned that they all took Spanish classes from a woman named Letty. She also offers private lessons, like the ones I am taking in school. I was given her number.

I thought about it. It makes so much sense. I will spend about half as much on my Spanish classes and accomadation, if I pay for it myself. So I spoke with my host mom - she said I could continue to stay there. I finally called Letty (I got up the courage because I had been warned that she didn't speak any English). We spoke for about three minutes and agreed to meet Saturday and that I will start full time classes on Monday!

I am so excited about this. Hopefully this will enable me to enjoy my time here more fully and maybe even travel.... More stories and pictures soon.

Also all this week the sun has been shining! It has been such a nice change from the rain of last week. It is cold, though.

A Saturday Adventure

2010-10-03T22:16:00.003+02:00

My Saturday adventure started Friday when I was invted to join a trip to a Sauna "Las Cumbres" on Saturday.

We met at 10 am on Saturday morning outside the school. After waiting less than ten miutes the four of us were off.

First, we had to find the Shell Station where we could catch a chicken bus to Zunil. (A chicken bus is the most common form of public transportation in Guatemala. They are mostly old school buses from the US, usually with each seat crammed with at least three Guatemalan adults, plus maybe some chickens). After asking directions three times we found the corner, which was a block from the Shell stationl. There are no signs, of course. Guatemalans just seem to know where to stand or maybe anywhere is a good place. Luckily, the bus we picked had some open benches. The four us slid into two.

In Zunil we had to take a pickup to Las Cumbres. (Where Chicken Buses don't go - pickup trucks do. You simply hail one going your direction and climb in the back). Once again, since there were no signs we asked a police officer where we could get a pickup to Las Cumbres. He said to just wait. The second truck that passed was the right one. We boarded the back ofthe truck, standing with all the Guatemalan women - all of us gringos with our heads sticking a good foot higher in the air.

The truck stopped for us at Las Cumbres. We had succesfully arrived.

Entering the grungy buiding, I was suprised to see what looked like a five star hotel (okay maybe three stars by US standards) in a jungle setting. The plants were so green with the natural volcanic steam creating a tropical feeling.

We were shown to our private steam room. I had never been to a sauna before, so I didn't know what to expect. The room had wooden benches and a small concrete "chimney" on the ground where the steam came out. Once we had changed into our bathing suits we all piled into this room. The attendants were to come back in half an hour to get the others for their massages (I had opted out of this). We had half an hour to relax and enjoy the steamy heat.

The steam and heat and sweat mixed together in an intoxicating way. Every few minutes I had to leave the steam room, just to keep a sense of normalcy. The half hour felt like an eternity. When the knock finally came, I was left alone in the steam.

I stayed for a few more minutes, pondering my good foturne to be alive and in Guatemala. Finally, I finished and took a cold shower.

After meeting the others, we went to try and a find a pickup back to Zunil to get lunch and then a chicken bus back to Xela. The first pickup did not stop. The back was already so full that there was no room for giant gringos.

The second one stopped. We got in, never saying a word to the driver. In the back were five children. Plenty of room for us to sit, under the blue tarp. Luckily, we were on this pickup because shortly it began to pour. As we listened to and felt the rain we realized that we didn't know to make the bus stop. (On the earlier ride the nice police officer had told the driver where to stop for us). We decided to ask the children: ¿De donde? The answer was surprising. Xela. Our plans changed. We decided to take this pickup, in the rain, all the way back to our temporary home. My Saturday adventure came to end when I finally got "home".

letter to friends and family

2010-10-01T22:28:00.001+02:00

I just finished my first week of classes. I have crammed a lot into a small amount of time. My 'maestro' is pretty good and I am going to stay with him next week. I definitely do not know how to say much in Spanish, but I my comprehension is good - when people speak VERY slowly :)

My family is nice and now I am the only international student there. Both Canadians have left. Although they are still in Guatemala.

This week, I think the highlight has been the activities that I attended after school. On Tuesday I went to a house for women who experienced domestic violence. It is the only women's shelter in the country (and maybe central america). It was fascinating to see the women who volunteer there (one of the teachers in my school) and the women and children that live there. They live in very basic situations, with almost no amenities. They didn't have hot water until recently when a foreign student decided to raise the money for a hot water heater for their shower! On Wednesday I went on a tour (in a little tourist tram) of the city here. We were supposed to go up to Baul except we couldn't because of the rain (more about that later). It was interesting to hear all the history of this town (and for a short while capital of an independent country). Then on Thursday I participated in a salsa class. That was fun, if a bit out of my comfort zone.

I'm hanging out mostly with the other students in my school. They are from the US and Canada, and one girl from Hong Kong.

And for the rain. It has been raining here non-stop. (except for yesterday morning, when I went on the terrace to study and got a sun burn). All day, every day, nothing but rain, rain, rain. There has been more rain in September than there was in all of 2009 (I think that's what the newspaper said). There are mudslides everywhere and travel is difficult because roads are flooded out and the ones that are passable are dangerous and overcrowded. The school had planned a trip to the beach this weekend, but they cancelled it and are advising us to stay in Xela. Today, so far, it hasn't rained, but I think it's starting. So I'm going to see if I can buy an umbrella somewhere... that's my mission for the afternoon.

I'm doing well here and I am beginning to acclimatize to the culture and the noise. Walking down the street is always an adventure, you have to watch for dogs and cars and scooters and while there are sidewalks on most streets they are not much wider than a person, and often they are blocked and broken. I am also sleeping a lot. 9 hours a night, with a nap during the day. I think there are a few reasons - the altitude and stress of learning Spanish. It's good for me :)

I'm definitely enjoying it here and I am glad I am learning Spanish here.

A New Way of Thinking

2010-09-30T23:17:00.002+02:00

Learning a new language is not jsut a learning how to speak again, it's learning a new way of thinking.

For example, look at these two sentences in English.

I am a doctor.
I am in the kitchen.

The conjugated form of "to be" in both those sentences is the same. In Spanish look at these same sentences

Soy doctora.
Estoy en la cocina.

In Spanish these two sentences use two completely different verbs. The verb "ser" is generally more permanent, your nationality, your occupation etc - but yet you do NOT use it when describing your marital status. Apparently, that's not permanent.

Is there a difference for me, as a native English speaker, between "being" in Guatemala and "being" a student? No. Yet fro a native Spanish speaker their "being" would be different.

Another difference that makes me think is "being" hungry, or thirsty, or cold or hot. In Spanish (and French) you are not hungry. You have hunger. The noun belongs to you - there is not adjective.

Does my description of hunger change the way I think about it? I'm here in Guatemala not just to learn the correct conjugations of ser and estar but also to learn to think in a different way, to begin to empathize and understand a new place through their language.

quick update about my arrival and first impressions

2010-09-28T02:34:00.001+02:00

I made it safely to Guatemala. I am living with a host family. They have two kids, an 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. (there could be a third, but I haven´t met him yet and I´m not really clear with
what´s been told to me).
I arrived in Guatemala city at about 7 am this morning. I had absolutely no problems going through customs and getting money. In fact, I actually made it to the bus station in time for the 8 o´clock bus (I had been planning on taking the 10:30 one). I rode that for about four hours, then figured out how to call the number of my school and they picked me up about 15 minutes later to take me to my host family.

The host family has been really nice so far. They made an interesting lunch with a fried cake of yuca root.

It is pretty cold and rainy here. It has been raining and chilly since I arrived. I think I´ll have to buy another sweater, at least. I don´t think this is normal because everyone is mentioning how cold it is.

Also, I realize how much Spanish I understand but I have a very hard time even constructing basic sentences. So we´ll see. The daughter, Diana sat with me before lunch and was very patient with me. It is necessary. There are also two Canadian girls staying in the house with me. One of them is leaving tomorrow and then I´ll move into the room she has, which apparently is bigger and more comfortable. Although, after a five hour nap this afternoon, I feel pretty
comfortable in the small room.

So I´ve made it safely and I am so glad I´m here! There is nothing like looking at a new country for the first time. I´ll never be able to see Guatemala for the first time again. It´s an exhilerating feeling!

What we know about food.

2010-09-20T23:44:00.004+02:00

I recently read this article on NPR.com The article is about the FDA and their pending approval of salmon that has been genetically engineered to grow faster than regular salmon. The quote that struck me was when a supporter of this company said, “People eat chicken. It’s all farmed. People don’t think twice about it. A switch of the mindset has to happen for the consumer for seafood, for fish.”

I actually agree with this man, but I think the switch of mindset needs to be more complete. We need to start thinking twice about where our food comes from. The recent salmonella outbreak in eggs is just one example, but there are countless others. According to this site, Salmonella kills 583 people in the US every year and costs us $3 billion a year. Yet, we are still trying to produce the cheapest meat and vegetables possible instead of looking at the total cost, including the cost to health.

I recently started growing a garden in my back yard. I hope that I will be able to harvest some vegetables out of it this year and start to eat my own produce. We need to think about where our food comes from and not just eat whatever is put in front of us.

I do need to make a disclaimer here. Although I write this and feel this, I have not yet had the gumption to put it into practice. I still eat all meats and vegetables. Perhaps I will change my ways, but I find other factors, besides farming practices, influence my decision about what to eat and where. However, I think that I should have the right to decide.

One more point about the genetically modified Salmon. If the FDA does approve it, they will approve it without any caveat that it must be labeled as genetically modified. In essence the FDA will be taking away our right to choose whether or not we eat this farmed fish that has modified genes. Even if I have not interest in changing my eating habits I still should have the right to know what I'm eating.

tired and feeling strange

2010-09-18T18:35:00.003+02:00

I am tired - mainly because I didn't sleep much last night - but I am also feeling strange.

Whenever a big trip is coming up a small pit of excitement/anxiety/nervousness/unknowingness/uncertainty wells up in my stomach and sits there growing bigger every moment as I get closer to the day of departure. This time I feel like that small ball is making it hard for me to focus on my friends and family here in Austin. I'm living, breathing, thinking, and smelling Guatemala.

My anticipation for Guatemala makes me think of that phrase "Hurry up and wait." That is what I'm doing right now. I'm hurtling towards my 'departure day' at a million miles a minute, but I'm not leaving for Guatemala. I'm leaving for Chicago. It feels like a false start - like I'm misleading myself. I am amped up and excited and looking forward to my trip which starts Monday, but it doesn't really start Monday. (Well it does, just not THIS Monday). I am hurrying towards this date so that I can wait another week in a different city.

However, I am also looking forward to my conference in Chicago. I am glad that I made the decision to stay in the US for this meeting. I know that the PJD can be powerful and I'm glad that I'll be able to shape it's future forms all over the world.

I am glad that my trip is beginning with this weekend of reflection about the future. I know that although I am going to Guatemala to learn Spanish I am also going so that I can begin to think more about my future. I want to reflect on where my life has been and where I would like it to go. Starting with an intentional reflection with others of similar values/beliefs is a good way to begin my journey south.

The small pit in my stomach is growing ever so slightly even as I write this very post. I hope that I will be able to contain it until I land in just over a week in Guatemala City!

Planning and Packing

2010-09-13T17:27:00.004+02:00

I am not really a planner, I'm much more of a spur of the moment kind of person. It is actually hard for me to focus and plan this trip for more than two weeks. Once I decide to do something I want to do it. My trip seems spontaneous, but that is the only way I do things.

Just after I started looking at new jobs I also started looking at flights. Somehow the massive amount of time I have now and the small amount of money made me think that perhaps I had a way to travel. (Traveling is like a drug - once you've gone to a foreign country you need to go again and again. I need to get my fix. Honestly, this fix is going to be different than anything I've ever done before.) I looked at some programs in 'safe' and 'easy' places that I had already been, like France and Spain or Switzerland but the pull of something new and different (and practical) brought me to Xela. Xela (the nickname for Quetzaltenango) is the second largest city in Guatemala with about 300,000 people. It is also not touristy, except for Spanish language classes. I should actually learn a lot of Spanish while I'm there! From the day the idea was born in my brain to the day I bought my ticket was 8 days. Eight days to decide that I am ready to change my life, again.

I have been planning, but I have not yet begun packing. Packing is something that I like to do at the last minute. I enjoy that rush not knowing if you'll fit everything in or not and then making it (almost all the time!) and then finding out that you didn't bring the plugs you needed but you did bring that really unnecessary green sweater. I like that thrill.

Change comes with no warning...

2010-09-08T03:29:00.003+02:00

Exactly two weeks ago I found out that my car was going to cost more to repair than I paid for it. (It was my first car too!). I was struggling with the decision to buy another car, when due to my income I didn't really have the money to afford a car. (Luckily, my friend lent me his car for two weeks)

Exactly 10 days ago I found out that my cafe where I worked was closing. I have just now come to accept the fact that it has actually closed and that I am unemployed.

Exactly 1 week ago, on what was supposed to be my last shift at work, I got food poisoning.

Needless to say I had a pretty bad week. However, I am grateful for this opportunity for change. I called one of my good friends yesterday to tell her all of this news and then I asked her if she knew what I was going to do now. I think her response shows how well she knows me. She said "You're going to go somewhere awesome and do something amazing, even though you have no money, but you'll make it work."

I am letting my lack of a job and a car give me the freedom to travel. I have said (for many years now) that I want to learn Spanish. I have tried CD's. I have tried informal classes with friends here. I have talked about learning Spanish - but I have not committed. I know that the only way to learn is to immerse myself in the language. That is just what I am going to do.

A friend of mine recommended that I go to Guatemala. I have a found a school that offers one-on-one instruction and a home stay for a very reasonable price. So, once I have my subleasing arranged for my house here I'll be booking airplane tickets and reserving a place in my school.

I am making positive change in my life. I'm actually glad that I lost my job. Although I am not looking forward to my job search when I return, I was not happy with my job before. I now have an excuse and a push to find a job that will be more fulfilling for me and will hopefully be more of a 'career' job.

Do you believe in Miracles?

2010-08-25T23:04:00.005+02:00

I often forget that I'm Christian. I am not very good at going to Church and praying seems difficult and pointless. I confess that I often think that I like the people who don't go to Church very often a lot more than the people that are there every Sunday. Sometimes I forget and maybe even sometimes I wish I weren't. Then I have days like the past few days and I am so grateful for what God is doing in my life. Even if I've been forgetting God, God is not forgetting me.

I often forget that I actually believe in miracles. Here's my 'miracle' story. As some of you may know I recently bought a car. Although I was very excited about buying it - I have had nothing but trouble with it. (Titling it; repairs to AC; back seat door handles and the list could go on). However, it was working enough to take me to and from work. Which is all I really need (want) out of a car. Sunday, my car began making funny noises, but was still driving relatively well. Monday night it made a very funny noise and stopped driving so well. I decided to have it towed to my mechanic to see what it would cost for him to fix it. Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call saying that the transmission was broken. I don't know much about cars but he said the repair cost would have a comma in it. Basically it would cost more than I paid for the car. It's Wednesday now and I was in a jam because I need a car to go back and forth to work. Since I begin working before the sun rises taking a bus is not really an option and I know my roommates would get tired very quickly of bringing to/from work. Luckily, Wednesday is my day off.

This morning while I was out watering my garden (which deserves a post of it's own in due time) I prayed. I prayed for a car. I really just needed a car. I can buy a car - I've actually been approved for a loan - but that does not get me a car today. Hopefully, if I think about what I'm doing carefully it will take a few weeks to buy my next car. But I still needed a car to go to work Thursday morning.

My brother took me out for lunch today and he offered to let me use his car for the next few days. He and his wife have a second car, so that seemed like a doable solution. I was very grateful for this offer!

Then I received a text message from a friend asking me to do him a favor. The favor was to keep his car for 3 weeks while he goes to Burning Man. He apparently has no where to park it. I can use it while he's gone. I have a car to use - I will in a few hours at least.

Can you fault prayers like this when you just put out into the universe what you need and it materializes? Although I still have to buy a new car I now have a way of getting around for a few weeks. I have much less pressure and the ability to be picky about what kind of car I buy.

I forget that I believe in miracles or prayer and then days like today happen. Some people would just say it was a coincidence - but I don't really believe in coincidences. I need days like today to remember that I'm not providing for myself - God is. That's what miracles are - little reminders of who is really supporting us.

Thinking about rest/sabbath

2010-08-10T20:37:00.003+02:00

I've been feeling very busy recently (hence the lack of posts for a few weeks). I've finally found some time to rest yesterday and today. I have to say it feels good.

This morning I chose to ride the bus to volunteer. I've been trying to do this now for a while, and I really enjoy it when I can make myself get up early enough. When I take the bus I have to leave my house about 30 minutes earlier than when I drive. Riding the bus gives me some time to think and reflect and plan the devotional.

This morning for the devotional I read a poem from Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle by Ted Loder. The poem I read was about being so busy with life that we forget what we need God for and what to say to God and even maybe how to talk to God. It's really moving. You can read the full text here.

I have been struggling with being too busy and not setting aside time for God. I was looking this morning at the Ten Commandments. I found them in Exodus 20:3-17. What I found the most striking is that most of the commandments are few words. Do not kill. Do not covet. etc. They are also almost all negative - DO NOT do this or that. However, the fourth commandment is a responsibility and is also the longest. The fourth commandment says:

Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. For six days you shall labour ad do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath for Yahweh you God. You shall do no work that day, neither you nor your son nor your daughter nor your servants, men or women, nor your animals nor the alien living with you. For in six days Yahweh made the heavens, earth and sea all that these contain, but on the seventh day he rested; that is why Yahweh has blessed the Sabbath day and made it sacred. (New Jerusalem Translation)

This one commandment is very long and very detailed. God is making sure that we know exactly what God means when God says "remember the Sabbath" I am struck at how easy it is to forget God and get lost in our daily lives - in our routines or lack thereof or our jobs or not having one. It is so easy to forget to ask God or even forget how to talk to God.

I ended the devotional this morning by having a 'neighbor' lead us all in the Lord's Prayer.

I'm hoping that I can also learn and listen and become less busy - even if I am still doing just as much. I need to set aside time for God and prayer.

What is it I want to do with my life?

2010-07-24T19:08:00.003+02:00

Since I recently decided that I don't want to be a Barista forever, I now have to face the question "What are you going to do when you grow up?" I feel so far away from being 'grown-up' that I have no idea how to answer that question at all.

I have been putting it off. I suppose with prayer and consideration and openness to possibilities I will find a way forward. Perhaps I will never have that 'career' - but I'm sure I'll be doing something meaningful. I already am.

My volunteer work is what really sustains me right now. I love going out on Tuesday mornings and seeing the women that I volunteer with. Where I volunteer has a Tuesday morning, women only, program. We serve breakfast and talk to them and encourage them and then they end with a support group. It's a good program, and I'm glad I get to be a part of it. Talking with the women there gives me a different perspective. I realize how much I have and how much I take for granted. It also makes me see that we're all the same - whether we're the ones serving or the ones being served. Yet, we have an unequal balance of power. I'm not sure how to change that.

God loves us all. We all need to love each other.

My plans vs. God's plans

2010-07-13T20:36:00.000+02:00

A few weeks ago I applied for the position of the World Student Christian Federation European Regional Secretary. I just found out that I did not get that position. However, the application and decision process was still difficult. (The following is a compilation of things written over the time from when I applied to interviewed until today.)

I heard about the position, but I was not sure that I should apply. After some very kind words by some very loving friends I decided that I was qualified and could and should apply. Although, even though I submitted my application I was struggling with whether or not I was ready to take the job, if it were offered to me.

A few weeks ago I even interviewed for the position. I talked, over skype, with five people about what I could offer WSCF- Europe. I talked about my vision of ecumenism and why I could do the job. I did not feel great about the interview, but I did not feel terribly about it.

This morning as I lay in bed thinking about what this means I realized that I was struggling with my 'plans' and how my life is unfolding. I have been planning to go to seminary, but that has always been at some future date. I went to France, I went to Geneva, I went and went, but seminary was this future thing. Then, I finally planned to apply this year. I would have started (hopefully) in fall 2011. Yet, I applied for this new position. If I had been offered it I would have put seminary off for at least a few years. Am I ready to stop 'going' and start Seminary?

I have to go back to the question of when/where I want to go to seminary. I suppose that the fact that they did not offer me the job makes my decision easier, yet, it also is saddening. However, for the moment, I am happy to be staying in Austin. (possibly not, but that is for another post). Austin has many opportunities for me and clearly working for WSCF-E is not in my current or God's current plans for me.

I will leave you with a quote from a Thomas Merton book I just began reading, "Seeds of Contemplation".

In all situations of life the "will of God" comes to us not merely as an external dictate of impersonal law but above all as interior invitation of personal love. Too often the conventional conception of "God's will" as a sphinx-like and arbitrary force bearing down upon us with implacable hostility, leads men to lose faith in a God they cannot find it possible to love... We must learn to realize that the love of God seeks us in every situation, and seeks our good. His inscrutable love seeks our awakening.

hard work

2010-07-11T18:21:00.003+02:00

I have a post that I wrote a few months ago that I haven't published yet. I will publish it soon - I am waiting on some news before I put my life and what I've been doing out for God and the whole world to see. Suffice it to say, I'm waiting to see if I'll be offered a job.

I am also applying for other jobs - here in Austin and elsewhere. I am ready to have a career. I think I felt for a moment that my time in Geneva was the beginning of career - and it well may be - but I miss being in a professional setting with people who are passionate about what they do.

I do love my job now, and I'm very passionate about coffee - but I don't think that my job as a Barista is making the world a better place.

A few months ago a young girl (about 10) left us some artwork after she and her dad left the cafe. Apparently she had been impressed with how hard I worked. The drawing showed me and my coworker making coffee and taking money. It was very good for a 10 year old. I still think about what she wrote, though. She wrote "Dear Hard Worker, how hard you work has nothing to do with how much you earn." She went on to leave us a special 'thank you' - in the form of this drawing.

I still think about that. I never have (and hopefully never will) base how hard I work on how much I'm being paid. I do my best and I take pride in what I do. Of course, I like being paid well - but to me doing your best is the only option. When you're getting paid minimum wage or $100/hour. The pay you earn is irrelevant to how hard you work.

I suppose I'm just thinking about all of this because this kind of approach makes it very hard to say what I 'deserve' to be paid. When I'm applying for jobs I am never sure how much to ask for in a salary.

I will update more soon, hopefully very soon, about job offers and my future.

Devotional

2010-07-02T16:05:00.006+02:00

Devotional from Tuesday June 29, 2010.

I chose a reading from the book of Job for today's devotional. The book of Job is really difficult sometimes, but I like it because it reminds us that bad things don't happen to us because we deserve them or because we are bad - bad things just happen.

Here goes:
Job 28:20-28 (New Jerusalem Bible)

But where does Wisdom come from?
Where is Intelligence to be found?

She cannot be seen by any living
she is hidden from the birds of the sky.

Perdition and Death say, ‘We have heard only rumours of her.'

God alone understands her path
and knows where she is to be found.

(For he looks to the remotest parts of the earth,
and observes all that lies under heaven.)

When he willed to give weight to the wind
and measured out the waters with a gauge,

when he imposed a law on the rain, and mapped a route for the thunderclaps to follow,

then he saw and evaluated her,
looked her through and through, assessing her.

Then he said to human beings,
Wisdom? - that is fear of the LORD;
Intelligence? - avoidance of evil.'

When we hear this passage we see that Job is trying to answer the questions, "What is Wisdom?" and "What is intelligence?"

What does it mean that God says that Wisdom is fear of the Lord? What does it mean to avoid evil? What do these really mean?

Let's start with what they don't mean. Wisdom and Intelligence in this passage are clearly not related to how most people define them today. No where does this book say that Wisdom or Intelligence is related to how many degrees you have. You don't have to have a college degree from Harvard or even a high school degree. Clearly this Wisdom is not related to how much money you earn or where you went to school. You don't have to go to UT to get this wisdom. This Wisdom and Intelligence are not something that you can buy.

What does it mean that fear of the Lord is Wisdom? Does God mean the fear of terror? I don't think so. Every time in the Bible that God sends a messenger, or a angel the very first thing they say is "Do Not Be Afraid". Clearly God does not want us to be afraid - but we are supposed to have fear of the Lord. I like to think of this fear as awe and respect and submission to God. A fear that is empowering, not paralyzing.

If Intelligence is avoidance of evil does that mean that we should just sit alone and try to act holy? Or maybe we could lock ourselves up and pray all day. I'm sure we would not encounter any evil if we did that. But I think that avoidance could be seen as actually trying to get rid of evil in this world. We can see avoidance of evil as 'doing justice' - as lessening the evil that exists.

If we are wise and intelligence we don't have to earn some fancy degree or know all the right answers or have any house or anything concrete. Instead this kind of Wisdom is a gift that God gives us so that we can learn to follow God and take risks to bring about more justice and less evil in this world. God's Wisdom and God's Intelligence are things that no one can away from us, no matter what happens in our lives. We lose our job our house our bag - no matter what we lose we can always have God's Wisdom.

Last post in June

2010-06-30T19:16:00.003+02:00

Tomorrow is July 1st. This year, this month, this time in Austin has flown by! I cannot believe that July is almost upon us. Wow.

Yesterday was a great day. I love my friends here in Austin. In the afternoon, over tea at my house, a friend and I had a conversation about faith and belief and the purpose of religion. The book Conversations with God came up quite a bit. I read it a few years ago. I remember reading it on a train somewhere - but now I could not even tell you what continent that train was on. My friend is currently in the process of reading it. I remembered finding it unfullfilling, but interesting. The conversation with my friend was fascinating because although she was raised Christian, she does not see herself as Christian and does not believe that Jesus was the son of God. She sees everything as connected in the Universe. I agree with that statement to an extent.

Yet, I cannot not believe that Jesus was the son of God. But when I say that I sound as if someone is forcing me to believe or that I am being coerced. Instead I think that my life would be incomplete if I did not believe in Jesus as the Christ and I would no longer have an anchor or a direction in my life. Although my life feels pretty aimless to me sometimes, I know that God is walking with me and that I am on a path that I am creating with God. I am where I need to be; I always have been where I need to be and I will end up where I need to be.

I think that the reason that this book, Conversations with God, is so popular (and it is popular) is that it makes faith in God seem easy. It says we don't have to decide exactly what God is or is not, instead we can just say everything's okay. Everything that God created is good. Saying that all God created is good is much more difficult than saying "it's okay." Faith is not difficult, what is difficult is acting with faith. The life that Faith brings is full and abundant and challenging. When we begin to realize that we are responsible for everything (and I literally mean everything) we can either crumble under this weight or see this responsibility as true freedom. If we embrace this freedom we need the support of a faith community and God. I think that is where 'religion' plays an important role.

A few thoughts on an interesting conversation at the end of June.

thoughts on Church

2010-06-28T00:04:00.002+02:00

I went to Church this morning. I actually tried out a different Church and I went to their Young Adults Sunday School. (I think they call it Wisdom Ways).

The whole thing was very intriguing as we wrestled with Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians. We looked at the passage where he talks about the Lord's Supper. Before Constantine "popularized" Christianity in the 4th century the Lord's Supper was an actual supper. It was a meal that the Christians shared. It became ritualized into the Eucharist as the Church grew during the 3rd and 4th centuries. This letter was probably written in the 1st century. Therefore the letter is talking about how to share a real meal, but it is also talking about how to share the Lord's Supper. Paul is exhorting the young Christians to share and think about others before they consume all the food to satiate their hunger. Greed, which this clearly could be about, was never a topic. Instead we discussed the idea of hospitality. How do we demonstrate radical hospitality? How do think and plan so that we have food to share with people that are hungry?

I also volunteer at this Church, which serves a meal to the homeless six days a week. Talking about eating without class division was something that hit very close to home. Although I serve breakfast once a week there, I NEVER eat breakfast with the ladies I serve. I don't do this because I have the means to provide breakfast for myself, so if I ate their food I would feel guilty. However, this separation is just that, a separation. Am I being generous and giving by not eating with these ladies? Or am I being snobby because I am choosing to eat better quality food on my own time and dime?

Paul says we are to eliminate divisions when we eat the Lord's Supper. Is he talking about all meals shared among Christians? Or is he talking about the Eucharist? What would that look like in our own lives? In our own Churches?

I originally intended to write about one quote from my class this morning, so I'll leave that as a closing thought, although it's unrelated.

"Church was not created for God, but for us."

Sunny California

2010-06-21T08:54:00.002+02:00

I'm in Los Angeles. The city of angels. I lived here for five years before moving to Europe. I really do love this city. A lot of people complain or say that it's too big. I see the complaints, but being back here just reminds me of how much I loved living here.

Two of my friends were married yesterday. I am so happy for them. They seemed like the most beautiful, happy, in love couple yesterday. It was amazing seeing them and their family and their friends gathered together to celebrate their love for each other and for God. They are a couple that truly puts their faith first in their lives. I am so glad I was here to witness their union.

Being here in LA makes me realize how lucky I am. I have so much for which to be grateful and thankful. I have real friends who love me and care for me even if they don't live in Austin with me. I have reconnected with people and realized just how strong my bonds are here.

Los Angeles has so much to offer. I have eaten some amazing food in the past four days. Japanese food. Korean Food. Dim Sum. Diner Food. I have seen a play about South Los Angeles. I've walked downtown. I've taken a subway. (Yes, LA does have some public transit). I've driven on the 101, the 110, the 10, the 5 and the 2. I've seen the Los Angeles Lakers become the NBA champions for second straight year. I've watched Mexico beat France in the World Cup. Los Angeles is never boring.

Searching for the perfect roommate

2010-06-05T19:48:00.002+02:00

My life has recently been consumed with the search for the perfect roommate. I recently moved into a house with a very cool roommate and one empty room. The owner is here often and since we each sign individual leases, was working with us to find the right person for this empty room.

She (the owner) posted ads on Craigslist explaining who we were and what we were about. See, unlike some people who are looking for a roommate, we were looking for someone to be part of this house community. To be 'our people', so to speak. Living with someone, especially a 'stranger' can be daunting. But we were looking for someone who was going to not be a stranger, but become part of the 'family'.

In this process I talked with about 4 or 5 people. The owner went through countless emails and phone calls and meetings. My other housemate met with a few people. We never found that perfect person. The right person never found us. We offered the room to a few people, but they declined.

Finally yesterday, after a brief, 15 minute meeting, we found the right person. The right person found us. I am so happy! This search has seemed long, but yet, finding the right person is important. After all, I'm going to be living with the person and this person with me.

I'm glad to say that I'm happy about the outcome. Now I have one less worry on my mind. I'm sure there is some theological implications or extrapolations to be made from this story... but right now I'm not going there. Maybe another day?

a higher form of insurance

2010-05-31T20:30:00.002+02:00

I really like this blog. In her most recent entry she asks when the Church stopped being 'edgy'. One of the comments on her blog was from a bishop (at least the username was bishop) who said that the Church lost her edginess when: "faith stopped being about taking on risk and became a higher form of Insurance." I think this sentiment is spot on. If we see faith as an assurance of our 'safety' in the afterlife than we are no longer compelled by the spirit to take risks, but are instead complacent paying our monthly premiums and waiting for the big payoff in the end. It also becomes imperative that everyone buy into your insurance scheme because you have found the 'ultimate' safety. This type of faith is very comforting. It is also very straightforward. If you do this, then the result is that. Faith is a stumbling block and a difficult gift from God. It is not something that we can beat into people.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

God Smacked

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

However in my experiences I have found that God is not that straightforward. When I was in high school I thought I would be a film or play director. (I was even accepted into a prestigious school for their directing program). I decided to move out to LA and began my University career at Occidental College. There I fell in love with Politics and God. My life has forever been changed. I was not expecting to become a Christian activist, but when we follow the spirit we are surprised and amazed and happy. We get much more out of our relationship with God than we could ever put in. Our faith is much more than final Insurance, it is a way of life.

finally back into blogging

2010-05-31T03:33:00.002+02:00

This past week has been rather plain. For a few weeks work was very stressful and I was working more than 40 hours a week. Now work has calmed down. I'm only working 32 hours a week. I have time to cook and think about what I want to cook. I have time to read books (Agatha Christie most recently). I have time to catch up on TV. (I'm completely caught up on Doctor Who!). I have time to write (hence my last two 'creative' entries). I have time even to go out with friends. I have time to blog. I am finally feeling like having a plain week is a good thing here in Austin.

Thursday was my cousin's birthday and so to celebrate we went to see a show. We saw the play, Bug. The play deals with the seedy underworld that most of us ignore, when we can. The whole play is set in a bug-infested motel room outside of Oklahoma City. This production was done by a local theater company and was clearly not Broadway. However, I found the play itself to be mesmerizing. The script was incredible. The characters were real and seedy and lovable and hate-able and disgusting and endearing. (The play was made into a movie in 2006).

I have been thinking about sanity since I watched it. On another note about sanity (or the difference between reality and dreams) I saw A Midsummer Night's Dream again this weekend. Every year Austin Shakespeare puts on a free play in the park. I was reminded of how amazingly good Shakespeare is. His plays are just truly splendid.

more 'creative' stuff...

2010-05-28T22:36:00.001+02:00

There was nothing left to be said. They sat in silence waiting for his ride to come. They had chatted about the weather. They had chatted about the construction on Government Blvd (“It's making traffic unbearable, really.” “I know, I can't stand it.”) They had chatted about everything they thought they could safely talk about. They had definitely not talked about the person coming to pick him up. They had definitely not talked about why he was there. Simply making small talk. Avoid all important subjects. If need be, one must sit uncomfortably in silence. One must never say what is really on one's mind. Small talk.

They sat in the waiting room, still waiting. The dusty clock above the receptionist's desk seemed to be ticking more loudly and more slowly than ever before. The second hand refused to move, as if tempting one of them to say something. Tempting one of them to break out of the limited small topics.

Really, there was nothing left to be said. Nick knew why James was here. James knew why Nick was here. James knew that in any moment she would pull up outside and Nick would leave with a simple, “Cheers” or “See you” and it would all be over. Or perhaps it would end with the nurse calling out “James T. Green”. He would simply wave and go behind that cheap wooden door. They both knew that any further comments would simply be inappropriate. Any further comments would destroy the illusion that neither one knew.

A chirping of a mechanic bird came from Nick's pocket. He was halfway standing as he took the phone out and looked at it. He sat back down. If it weren't pouring out he would have just gone outside, but going outside in this weather just to avoid the heavy silence between them was unthinkable. Worst storm in a 100 years, the weatherman had said. It seemed like he said that every summer. It had been raining that day. James had even had the audacity to ask about Amy. He had been casual. Pretending that he was asking just about a woman that he had known a few years back. Of course, Nick's response had seemed just as casual, but they both knew the truth. There was nothing left to be said.

memories

2010-05-26T03:28:00.003+02:00

She opened her eyes. She still couldn't remember. It all looked familiar. As if she had dreamt of it in another dream that she couldn't remember. The small carvings in the molding of the plaster ceiling. The paint peeling back from the left corner where the leak from the bathroom above proved too much to handle. Even the small oval photograph that sat, dusty, on the dresser reminded her of what she could not remember.

The birds chirping outside the partially open window seemed to say, “I'm here. I'm here.” As if they knew that her memories were there even if she could not access them.

She closed her eyes.

She opened them again to look at the man sleeping next to her. What was his name? He had reminded her again yesterday. Tony. Yes. That was it. Tony. Or was it Adam? It was Tony.

Tony. Their pictures hung everywhere in this house. The photo of them at Disney World. Her hugging Arielle – who was her favorite Disney Character. She could tell you Arielle's life story, but not her own. The photos of their wedding. Them – outside – her leaning against a tree and him leaning over her just kissing her ear. The whole family standing in front of a beautiful Church. She didn't even know where that Church was located, much less what it was called. Tony had kindly pointed out her mother, her brother and then his father and mother and brothers and sisters. He had gently gone through all the aunts, uncles, grandparents and other various relatives on both sides. She knew she'd never remember them all. Yet they are her family. Are they family if you don't know they're family?

She had asked about her Dad.

“Where's my Dad?

“Oh, God.”

“What?”

“He died.”

“What? When? How? What?”

“You were 23. He was 61. It was a car accident.”

“I don't care. I mean, I do, but right now I feel like you're telling me that the Prime Minister of India died when I was 23. I don't remember him. Oh God – will I ever remember him? What if I never remember my father? What if my memories never come back? What will we do?”

She had said that phrase so many times in the past three days. “What will we do?” Somehow, this man, Tony, was still answering all her questions. He must truly love her.

She had spent most of these past days willing herself to remember. It was like trying to remember a dream. The more you try the less you remember. Every time she thought she remembered something she'd ask Tony.

“Is my brother named Joe?”

“No. He's Mick.”

“Oh, right. Mick. Who's Joe?”

“We don't know anybody named Joe, except the old priest at Church.”

She closed her eyes.

She opened her eyes. She still couldn't remember.

writing

2010-05-25T05:33:00.004+02:00

In college I took a creative writing class. I really loved it. (You can see all my work on my old blog in some of the entries between January and May of 2006). I have begun writing again. I've started writing some stuff that I really like, however, I have not shown it to anyone yet. I feel that it somehow reveals something about me. I don't know what or how, but I feel like it is personal. I can write, in depth, about my life, about what I am planning to do and God, but yet, as soon as I write a piece that is completely fictional I feel vulnerable and naked. I will post one of the short pieces that I wrote a few weeks ago. I need to type it up first, but in a few days.

In looking through my old blog - I found this post from March 2007. I think it still explains how I feel about writing.

Writing is a way of life for me.

thinking about education

2010-05-17T16:39:00.002+02:00

I have been having conversations about education recently. As many of you may know, I am hugely in debt because of my four year degree. I am also incredibly grateful and happy that I have that degree. I believe it was the right choice for me. However, my family is a very educated family. My mother has a master's degree. Both of my grandparent's on my Dad's side have college degrees, even my great grandfather had a degree! (little fact about my family, my great-grandfather, grandfather, grandmother, two my brothers and my sister-in-law all went to the same college in Shreveport, Louisiana.) Really, it would be strange, considering my family history if I did not have a college degree.

All that being said, I believe that there are different types of knowledge. One is the type that you receive through an education at a university, but there are many other types as well. The knowledge you receive from your family. The knowledge you gain through employment. The knowledge you acquire through friendships. The knowledge that comes from life experiences. The knowledge imparted from elders. The knowledge you learn from on-the-job training. All of these types of knowledge are important, and none is more valuable than the other. In our society, we have placed monetary and societal significance on College education, however, that education is just one type of education. We are limiting ourselves and students when we limit "real" education to having a four year degree.

In the US there is a push now for alternatives to four year college. I just read this article in the New York times. I think it is imperative that we develop an alternative to the four year college system for some students. However, we cannot do that while saying that 'under achieving' or 'less desirable' students can complete these other courses. No, we must fully believe (and fund) other, practical, alternatives to four year college. We must move forward and see that knowledge is not based on your ability to take a test, but instead is measured in a myriad of ways. Trying to force all students into the University track only increases the chance of failure of some students and brings other students down because professors are overburdened. I hope that the US can find a way to embrace the idea that all skills and knowledge are equally valuable and that we should not only put monetary value and societal worth on the four year college degree.

life changes through buying

2010-05-15T18:35:00.002+02:00

I have done a lot of things in my life. I've lived in foreign countries, I've learned a foreign language, I've traveled to Africa, Asia and Europe. I've lived in Los Angeles, Chicago and San Francisco. I've been to New York. I've climbed the great wall of China. I've eaten Dim Sum in Hong Kong. I've been to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I've looked out over the Swiss and French Alps. I've done a lot of amazing things in my life. I've brought in the new year in Cape Town, South Africa. I've seen a film at the Cannes Film Festival.

I'm not saying this to brag. I'm saying this because I'm now doing something that I've never done before. All of these things I mention involve travel and going to new places and experiencing new foods and seeing the world in a blur as I go from one place to the next. I have not lived in one place in this globe for more than a year. Even in college, I would go every summer and then return starting my new "year". Since college I have moved from Los Angles to France to Geneva to Texas. Texas. Texas. It is much less glamorous than Cannes, Los Angles or Geneva, but I am enjoying the "American grittiness" of it. I'm really moving here. When I moved here I knew I was coming back "for good" but at the same time I kept my eye on the horizon looking for the next opportunity to take me abroad so that I might continue my fast paced, fascinating, interesting life. Yet, I am here and I am here for the foreseeable (well at least until 2011) future.

I know, now, that I am living here because I made two purchases this week of a nature that I have never made before. On Monday, I began my search for a car. I had never bought a car before this week. My uncle, who has bought innumerable cars helped me in this process and we in fact bought the very first car we found. On Monday, I ended my car search. Yesterday, on Friday, I bought a bed. I know it's not big, but I've never bought furniture before. I have never needed to furnish a place because I was never there long enough to need my "own" furnishings.

I now know that I am entering a new phase of my life because I have bought these items. I must live in a consumer driven society because I am basing my recognition of my changes through what I purchase.

Godliness

2010-05-08T18:38:00.004+02:00

I went to theology on tap last week. Theology on Tap is a program of St. David's young adult ministry. (please note that I do not currently attend St. David's). The idea is that we meet once a month at a bar and talk about God and stuff. I've been twice now. I really like it.

This week our conversation turned to the topic of Godliness. (we were supposed to be talking about recreation and God). We went around our table of 5 and defined what makes a Godly life. (This table included me, a professional photographer, her husband - a theology student, an applied math PHD student and a writer/business student). The answers were all different and interesting. I started with "Peace with yourself, God and others." The next answer was very vague, "Any action that is in accordance with God's will" (okay I'm paraphrasing that one). Then next answer was "Living your life so that you are more like Christ every day, through the sacraments of the Church." The math student sitting next to me said that living a Godly life was "living out God's plan for you life in joy." There was a clear distinction between living out some plan you thought God had for your life and being miserable and living out that plan which brought you joy. Finally my friend, the photographer, said that "emptying yourself to love God's people." was a Godly life.

Our conversation was so fascinating because we all had such different ideas of what a Godly life is and most of our answers were not concrete. I personally, think that anyone can live a Godly life whether or not they go to Church or believe in Christ or are of some other faith. My friend who said that living Godly life was dependent on being part of Church would highly disagree. We were able to be in discussion and listen and respect the other opinion. Over our beer and gin and tonics (and delicious enchiladas) we were able to discuss these ideas and talk about the freedom in Christ and be in true conversation. I have missed that since I've been back in Texas. While in Geneva I was surrounded by people who were aware of and exploring faith in amazing ways - but here I had not yet found people that I connected with on a spiritual level. It's refreshing to hear and see and experience a spiritual friendship. I hadn't even realized how much I needed that until I experienced it again.

I am so thankful that I am beginning to find Godly friends here.

computers

2010-05-05T01:54:00.004+02:00

While I lived in France I did not have a computer. This didn't really bother me. I was living in a foreign country everything was exciting and new. I would use the 'mediateque' to check my email twice a week. It was on my way home from where I worked. Twice a week was fine for me. I did what I needed to do. If I was really in a pinch and NEEDED to do something on the internet I could pay for it at a cyber cafe. In Geneva I would go for weekends without the internet because my computer stayed in the office. I also did even have access at my residence until I had lived there for months. I did not seem to mind this limited access. Yet, once I returned to the US, somehow internet became a part of my everyday activities. I could not live for more than three hours without checking my email (both my personal and my work account), facebook, and couchsurfing. Luckily, I never took up twitter. Even going to work for 8 hours was a challenge for me.

Then my computer broke. Luckily, a friend lent me a computer so that I could finish the work I was contracted to do for the World Council of Churches. Then a few days after Easter, after my project ended, she needed her computer. I was computerless. I was going to give in and buy a computer, but a friend of mine said "My boyfriend can fix it." Three weeks later he has my computer and I am at the library. He is working on it, but it's in 'bad shape'. We'll see if he can fix it or not. We'll see if I buy a computer in the next few weeks, amid the many other things I have to buy (bedroom furniture, a car and perhaps a plane ticket).

Yet, all of this to say that perhaps not having access to the internet 24/7 is a good thing. I've used a phone book twice in the past three days! I have called and talked to people rather than using the internet to show me the information I wanted. I have spent much more time with my Aunt and Uncle. Perhaps not having a computer has been a blessing. Perhaps.... but somehow I still want one.

time off from blogging

2010-05-03T21:11:00.005+02:00

I'm sorry for the long absence from this blog. I honestly will try and write more, but I think i have a decent excuse - My computer is broken. So I am computerless at the moment. I am borrowing my uncle's computer to write this message.

My life feels like it has been a bit hectic. I'm working quite a bit. I do like my job, most of the time. I am sometimes tired of it, but overall, I am happy to have a job and I see myself working there for the foreseeable future.

I've also started volunteering. I like my volunteer work. (I don't have much experience with people experiencing poverty - except for my personal experience of growing up without much money - but that is very different from poverty - at least in my mind, perhaps it is because my family is so educated.. but I digress). I try to volunteer once a week at a homeless service center here in Austin. I really like it. We serve breakfast to women in the mornings. Many of the women do not look "homeless". Many of them do. Many of them are clearly mentally unfit, others are as educated as me. Others need help getting their appointments to go to the doctor others just need someone to listen to them. I try to remember that a little piece of God is in every one of us. Myself and each person I meet. We were all created in God's image. That means we're all sacred - even if I want to see them as less than me or God.

Through my volunteer work I made a friend who invited me Saturday night to hear Immaculee Ilibagiza speak about her experiences during the Rwandan Holocaust in 1994. She is a very powerful speaker. Her story centers on her journey during that harrowing time and how she discovered God through it. If you have not read her book, Left to Tell, I would highly recommend it to you. I am always so fascinated by people who have lived through Hell and yet come out singing the praises of God. Sometimes those of us who have privilege and live relatively easy lives find it hard to praise God for the every day miracles in our lives. Hearing her laugh as she talked about her childhood in Rwanda is more moving than all the statistics about how many people were killed. She lost her entire family (except one brother who was out of the country when the killing started) yet she is able to laugh and joke and enjoy what she has now. She truly has freedom through the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

She said one thing that really struck me. I'll leave you with this quote:

If you must choose between being kind and being right - choose kindness.

work

2010-04-12T16:15:00.004+02:00

I've been working a lot. Well, actually I've only been working about 40 hours a week - but it feels like a lot. Plus if you add my commute (at least 20 minutes one way) then it is more than 40 hours a week, but not much more. I had just forgotten what that was - or perhaps I never knew. I've never worked for 40 hours a week where I was on my feet the whole time. I mean the WHOLE time, there are no seats in the kitchen and it would be weird if there were - but still I feel like I'm working a lot.

It also seems like everything comes at you at once. I am feeling overwhelmed about working and then on top of that one of my coworkers quit so I'm working two extra shifts this week (go overtime!). Plus, I'm looking for an apartment to move into by May. I'm also doing research on buying a scooter, because a car is just too expensive! I tried to go to three different scooter shops today, but apparently Monday is the day all scooter shops are closed. Now, it looks I'm going to need to buy my own computer soon too. A lot of money to be spent, I guess should be happy that I'm working all this overtime so that I can afford to buy all these fun things I want.

I guess this is just a rant about feeling like I don't have any time - of course when I wasn't working full time I felt like I had all the time in the world and I didn't do much with it. I suppose I'm being more productive now that I have to squeeze more into my day. Perhaps it is useful to have parameters like 40+ hours a week of work to make sure that other things get done.

Easter

2010-04-03T20:07:00.003+02:00

It doesn't feel like Easter to me. Maybe that's because I haven't been very disciplined about my Lenten discipline. Maybe that's because I didn't go to Church on Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday or Good Friday. Maybe that's because I'm going to work this afternoon (with break for the Easter vigil). Maybe it's because I'm planning on spending my Easter Sunday working.

I don't feel like I'm ready to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus. Perhaps we're never ready, but God is always ready. As we say at Church, God is more willing to give than we are to receive. Easter Saturday. Holy Saturday. Today just feels like a normal Saturday. Perhaps after Church this evening Easter will be more real to me. Maybe I'll begin to think that I understand the mystery of Christ.

Christ has died.

Christ is risen.

Christ will come again.

Spring and my new job...

2010-03-29T19:40:00.003+02:00

I had forgotten what working was like. I mean I'd been working in France for about a year only 12 hours a week, then I worked here - but never more than 30 hours a week, and then Geneva, but my work didn't really feel like work, and I didn't work quite 40 hours a week (a full time job in Geneva is 37 hours a week). Now I have a job where I am working 39 hours a week - plus the 1/2 hour drive to get there. So that means I have 9 hour work days, which start at 6 am. (and I'm still working almost 10 hours a week for the WCC doing this awesome project!) Needless to say, I am much more tired than before and I'm feeling the stress of having a job and working and all that stuff. Yet, it is hard to feel bad for very long when it is so beautiful outside!

Spring arrived officially last week and brought with it the last (I hope) cold snap. Now it is amazing here. Austin is such a great place for being outside! Last week I took one of my days off and went hiking with some friends and my dog. We went to a State Park and walked for about 4 hours. We only ran into one other person on the trail. It was beautiful! Today is just as beautiful as a day. It is days like today that make me grateful to be alive and happy that nature is so pretty. Flowers are so bright. I don't think I've ever seen anything as blue as the bluebonnets on the trail this morning or as yellow as the flowers that were blooming in the grass. It is amazingly verdant here.

Life is good.

After all the craziness

2010-03-22T21:15:00.002+01:00

I had two friends in town visiting for SXSW. It was an intense festival. We did not have any sort of tickets, but just decided to see as much free music as possible and get as many free drinks/food as possible. In addition to the free boat ride, we went to many other events! On Thursday we saw Cocoon, this really amazing French Band. We saw them at the "France Rocks Austin" party. This party started at 12 noon and included free cheese and crackers, champagne, and beer. Oh and free burritos. The three bands we saw were pretty good. Then on Friday we went to a house party where we saw Seryn. They were so great! We bought their album (it's a demo, but I'm still super excited about it!) They also had free beer and free vodka at this party.

I didn't do much else for the festival, because I was working on both Friday and Saturday.

On Sunday, my friend and I decided to go to the Alamo. The Alamo itself is pretty cool - although not as amazing as you think it would be. However, the worst part of the trip was our lunch. We went to the River Walk in San Antonio. This is basically a tourist trap for people in downtown San Antonio. After attempting to find an open restaurant that was not on the River Walk we settled for a decent looking place called Rio Rio. Mistake! The hostess was incompetent and so we ended up sitting outside in the shade, and it was just a few degrees too cold for this. Then our waiter was okay, but did not seem very interested in being our waiter. Finally, my food was not that great and my friends' food might be been spoiled! He said the consistency of the chile (in the chile rellenos) was like that of rotten spinach. I would not recommend this place to anyone.

My life is now back to normal. Only working and volunteering and hanging out with friends. I am so happy that my friends from college came to see me, though. It made me remember how much I really love them! I hope we don't wait another three years before we see each other.

It started as a rainy day....

2010-03-18T15:14:00.001+01:00

Monday night the rain started. Tuesday it continued to poor. I was keeping my hopes alive that the rain would stop before 5:30 that afternoon. There is nothing as refreshing as listening to the rain fall (drop drop drop, pitter patter) on the deck of my coffee shop. I love working on rainy mornings, when you can only tell that the sun is risen because the clouds are slightly less gray than they were ten minutes ago and you can begin to make out the sign of the restaurant across the street.

It continued to rain and became a fine mist as we became tacky tourists and walked the Capitol grounds to see and hear about the history of the great state of Texas! Did you know that Texas had a female governor in the early 1920's? Inspiring stuff. Did you know that the Texas legislature was part time. They only meet for six months every two years. That's it. The clouds were beginning to be slightly gray blue, but were still doling out the oppressive raininess. We had to hope it would stop in an hour or so, just before 5:30.

The rain continued to come down and we walked towards the docks, not sure where we were going exactly. We stopped at a coffee shop for a little pick-me-up hoping that the rain would stop and that we could find the boat. As we left the shop and headed out into the cloudy, but not raining, evening we overhead two young hipsters (one of whom I later found out was named Cotton) discussing where the boat might be. We followed them.

As we reached a fork in the road we saw a boat and a small crowd. This must be it! As we reached the head of the line the young man gave us two $1 dollar bills with numbers 172, and 173 written on them. We were among the first 200 people to show up. We were about to be part of the epic Daily Juice SXSW Boat Party.

Epic it was. The boat launched onto Lake Austin at 5:30 pm. There were bands, free mixed drinks (mojitos, ginger martinis, and jalapeno margaritas) and free beer and free food. Along with the ubiquitous live music of SXSW. It was an amazing evening on the boat. The rain had indeed finished, just in time for our evening ride on Lake Austin.

health reform in the US

2010-03-11T22:51:00.002+01:00

This is a video the Rachel Maddow Show, which I love.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I wanted to share this with you because I think it is so important that we really see the anti-reform movement as what it is, a profit-driven anti-american people movement. The people behind this are for Insurance companies and not for the American people. Companies are only driven by profit, if more profit is good business than they do not want regulations that require them to actually pay for medical care. This is so obvious to me, yet perhaps it is not obvious. Medical care should not be a for profit industry!

I say this as someone who does not have health care coverage. I do not have it because I cannot afford it right now and my job does not provide coverage. I would like to have coverage, but I do not. This means that I am not going to the doctor to get regular check ups, I am not going to the dentist, when I'm sick I'm not going to go to the doctor unless I'm on my death bed. I am constantly afraid that I might fall and break my leg, causing untold debt that I cannot afford. I am thinking about going back to school and if that happens, I couldn't afford it. (I probably can't afford it as it is, but education is for another day.)

Health care reform seems like a no brainer to me. Not only do we need reform, I believe that we need a public option in this reform. I do not want the Federal Government to require me to buy something from a for-profit company. If this reform passes, I don't think I'll buy insurance. I would opt into Medicare, if I could. However, that does not seem like it will be likely.

In another segment of this show, during an interview with Michael Moore, he says the Democrats need to do what they were sent to Washington to do and I could not agree more. They need to buck up and start legislating. Come on Democrats!

update on the job thing

2010-03-10T16:48:00.003+01:00

I always do the "right" thing. I am going to quit my job in just a few minutes today. Last week I was offered two jobs. In my bright wisdom I decided to try and to do both. This is not working, even though I have not yet even started one of them. I start there on Friday.

I'm definitely nervous - but I think I need to do this for my own sanity. I need to be able to walk away from something, simply because I want to. I have to look at myself and say that my mental health and happiness is more important than the obligations that I have to this place where I am quitting. I know that this will let some people down - but sometimes you need to do this. I know this sounds weird, but I need to do it.

It is also purely selfish. I have two friends coming into town this week (one arriving tomorrow and one arriving a week from today) and I was scheduled to work when they were arriving. I know that is not a good reason to quit a job, but it is one of the factors that put my over the fence.

I also decided to quit sooner rather than later to save them the time and money of training me. I got my schedule and all of my shifts are still "training" shifts, this means that they won't really miss me because I am not being depended on to cover any responsibilities. I think it is better for me, and for them to quit now before I am a "real" part of the team.

Perhaps I am being silly, but I think it will be good for me, mentally and physically.

The conversation was less than one minute. I did it.

Job (s?)

2010-03-07T00:12:00.004+01:00

So on Thursday, the day after my 26th birthday, I got offered a job. I took it, of course. I went in, signed the paper work. "you start Friday". Then Thursday night, just before my birthday party, I got a phone call, "we want you to work for us". A different place. A coffee shop.

What to do? I decided to take both, for the time being.

Friday, after my first shift at the new restaurant, I got a text message from my other manager at the coffee shop that I worked at months ago. "Can you open in the morning?". I took the shift, of course. Then during the shift I picked up two more.

This week I will officially be working 4 different jobs. I went from half of one to four in less than 3 days.

I may drive myself crazy doing all this work, but I figure income will help me. More money is good right now. So we'll see how long I can hold this up.

We'll see.....

Texas..

2010-03-04T00:06:00.002+01:00

I live in Texas. This may not come as a shock to most of you, however sometimes I find myself shocked that I live here.

I am pretty liberal, or progressive, or whatever you want to call it. However, I often forget that I am living in one of the reddest states out there. I was driving home today and noticed the bumper stickers on the truck in front of me. There were two that stuck out to me.

First was a sticker in support of Debra Medina. She was challenging Rick Perry for the Republican nominee for governor of Texas. Medina is so conservative that she makes former governor of Texas, George W. Bush, look like a liberal. However, her platform of eliminating property tax (in a state that has already eliminated income tax) seemed very popular here. She still managed to get 18.5% of the vote. Pretty impressive, especially since her campaign had taken a dive after her appearance on Glen Beck's radio show, where she did not deny that she was a "9-11 truther". Quite a candidate.

Second was a sticker that read "Texas permit to hunt terrorists no 91101". I have no problem with someone having different view points than me. In fact, I am happy the world is not made up of Maryann clones. However, I object to this dehumanization of terrorists. As a Christian, I cannot be for someone hunting terrorists as if they were animals. God created all people in God's image. How can I say that someone has lost that piece of God and is so far removed that I am permitted to hunt that person, as one hunts deer. I cannot do that. God created all the people of this world, not just the Americans.

race and racism

2010-03-01T06:31:00.003+01:00

I read this article in the New York Times yesterday. It is about how anti-choice advocates are trying to convince African Americans to be more active in the anti-choice movement. They are saying that legalized abortion is just a big conspiracy, like eugenics, to rid the United States of black people.

I had never heard that argument before. When you look at the facts, it is startling to know that 40% of women who choose to have abortions are black women, while they only make up 13% of the population. However, seeing the fact that black women seek out abortions more often than white woman, without asking why, is misleading. I do not know the statistics, but I'm pretty sure that black women have a much higher poverty rate, proportionally (I am not trying to say that there are no poor whites, because trust me, I know there are poor whites). Perhaps, black women are trying to lift themselves out of poverty and the cycle of poverty that comes from having children or having too many children and not being able to care for them. Perhaps, black women are faced, like many other women, with difficult decisions. Lack of resources is a very good reason to believe that an abortion is the only option.

If anti-choice activists really thought that there was a conspiracy to kill black babies, they might want to look at the rate of infant mortality for black babies as opposed to white babies. (based on data from the CDC, the infant mortality rate of black babies is more than double that of white babies) Or perhaps there is just a conspiracy to keep black men in jail. Maybe that is why there are so many of them there. I do think there are plausible reasons to believe that there are conspiracies to keep black people down. I don't think that abortion rights is one of them.

I do not believe that our society has overcome racism (just like I do not believe that our society has achieved equality among the sexes) but I equally do not believe that abortion rights are a place where black people are being hurt by the ability to choose.

Ethical dilemma

2010-02-24T05:51:00.002+01:00

I really like NPR. Growing up, it was always on the radio. Recently, I heard this story. It is about doctors in Haiti faced with ethical decisions.

Do you sacrifice one person in order to save many more? The main dilemma involves a chronically ill woman who needs oxygen in order to survive. The doctors, mostly American volunteers, believe that she will need oxygen for the rest of her life. There are other patients in the hospital that also need the oxygen. They have less chronic diseases and will probably only be on oxygen short term. The resources are scarce. If she is given oxygen other patients will be denied that oxygen. Is it right to deny her oxygen, which will probably cause her death, so that more patients can receive the oxygen? Is her life expendable so that other patients can be saved?

Ultimately that is what the directors of the hospital decided to do. They transfered her to a "local" hospital and took her off of oxygen. They were not around to see if she lived or died. Since they could not legally deny her treatment if she stayed at their hospital they decided to transfer her to a hospital where she might or might not find adequate treatment.

This is one of those situations that I always think is such an dilemma. Does she have a right to oxygen? There is only so much to go around and she will always need it. You can save her life with the oxygen, but you could also save the lives of many more patients if you denied her the oxygen and kept it for future, as of yet unknown, patients. What would you do? I think I would make the same decision that doctors made. Although, I might regret it for the rest of my life. In the article they said that the same hospital later treated a 15 year old boy with a similar issue. However, they were able to get him flown to a hospital in Florida where he received surgery that corrected his problem so that he can live oxygen free for the rest of his life. Did her sacrifice of oxygen save his life?

My only real qualm with the decision made is that the person who was "responsible" for the final decision never actually met the woman. He sentenced her to death and yet he never met her. I suppose it's easier that way, but I feel like it is less moral. If you are going to say it is morally acceptable to sacrifice one person for the benefit of many than you at least need to be able to look that person in the eye.

On the upside, the woman did not die when she was transfered and the report said that her prospects were looking up, even though she did not have oxygen.

What would you do?

Guns are bad

2010-02-20T16:33:00.002+01:00

I just read this article in the Telegraph (a newspaper from the UK). Apparently, during a lavish wedding celebration the uncle of the bride was very excited and got his gun out to fire a celebratory shot and he ended up shooting the groom in the head. What was supposed to be the happiest day of this woman's life ended up being the saddest.

I grew up in Louisiana where people thought that firing guns was a great way to celebrate all sorts of things. Every year on the news there were stories of people being killed by the bullets on their way back down.

Of course no one meant to hurt anyone, but guns are designed for causing harm, they are not designed for the thrill they give people. (Although, I cannot say that there is or is not a thrill as I have never shot a gun myself). If people had decided to use guns for their intended purpose these people would still be alive today. I'm not very pro-gun, but I understand that people have a right to have guns, especially for hunting, however, firing guns, even up into the air, in crowded situations does not sound very smart to me.

I am saddened because people die unnecessarily every year.

How I met your mother

2010-02-19T00:11:00.005+01:00

So in all my spare time, I am watching a lot of TV (online of course!) I talked about my addiction with Torchwood in an earlier post. But now I am watching How I Met Your Mother. (HIMYM) One reason was that at a conference some time ago someone told me that HIMYM was the best sitcom ever! With such a high recommendation, I figured I might as well watch it.

The show's premise is that the main character, Ted, is telling his children the entire story of how he met their mother. The show revolves around the dating adventures of Ted and the other main characters. One of the characters, Barney, played by Neil Patrick Harris is fascinating. He is a 31 year old self-proclaimed bachelor for life (I'm only beginning season 2, so perhaps he changed... but somehow I doubt it - and if he did - don't tell me!) The reason I find this character interesting is that in almost every episode his goal is to have a one night stand with a beautiful girl that he meets in a bar. He is every girls worst nightmare (well mine at least). An attractive, successful, intelligent man that seeks out meaningless sex.

The character is funny, and as I've said before I really like the show, but still I wonder about this character. I know that in California it is considered rape if the girl is drunk. I'm not sure about the laws in New York, where the show is set. However, the fact is that Barney repeatedly makes comments about making sure the girl is "drunk enough" or other such things. It makes me wonder if this character is not just a man who is having a lot of one night stands, but also a serial rapist. In our society we don't consider that sort of interaction "real" rape. I have always imagined rape as a stranger who grabbed you walking down the street and the forces himself on you in some dark alley. However, that is NOT the reality. Most rape victims are raped by someone they know. I wonder if taking our obsession with sex and quick fulfillment is not encouraging the belief that it's okay. However, it's not okay. With that here is a video from Youtube that will be used in the final week of my WCC project.

Innerancy of the Bible?

2010-02-08T20:35:00.008+01:00

In my job search I came across a school looking for an Admin Assistant. I thought, why not. Closer look at the website and I find this statement:

"There is one book of truth: the Bible, God’s written revelation to man, authoritative, reliable, inerrant and without need of any other document(s) to complete its message."

Needless to say, I decided not to apply. Yet, it got me thinking about different views of the Bible. If people truly believe that the Bible was plunked down on Earth by God in modern English just so that we could understand how sinful we are, they are seriously misguided.

The first and most obvious problem of the above statement is that the Bible is translated. We have ancient texts that are a collection of different versions of letters or books that people wrote thousands of years ago. They were written in languages that no one speaks today and even the best translators are just guessing as to what some of the words mean (just look at some of the footnotes in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament), especially Psalms. Do you really think the books of the Bible were translated without any other books? Were the translations also divinely inspired? That is just the most obvious flaw with the belief that the Bible is perfectly clear and does not need to be read in a very intentional academic way to understand the full meaning for both us and the original intended audience. (This does not mean that I don't think the Bible should be read devotionally, I just don't think this is the only way it should be read.)

This idea was backed up by a recent article in the New York Times. The author said this: "I know that this will offend some Christians, but the notion that Scripture is perfectly clear is wishful thinking, as a recent white paper prepared by the All Saints’ clergy demonstrates. The writers of the four Gospels don’t agree on even so simple a thing as which people were present at Christ’s empty tomb." If the gospels thought that even that detail could be changed in order to make the point more clear means that we can and should see the Bible as a lens through which to understand Jesus. If we only look at the literal meaning we are missing most of the Gospel, if not all.

There is also an interesting article in the New York Times Magazine about the Texas School Board and their influence on the curriculum in most other states. The Texas School Board has recently elected a near majority of Christian Conservatives with the clear agenda of changing the curriculum requirements in Texas, which because of the way textbooks are distributed, would effectively change the curriculum of 46 or 47 other states. Clearly this is an effective way to change the curriculum around the country. The people planning this understand that the students in the classroom will be in government and every other sector of life in a generation. If you can shape the basic principles that they learn you can change the way the whole country is run. School board is an elected position, that has a very low voter turn out - so the actual process of change is much simpler than electing someone to more high profile position. Of course, these Fundamentalist Christians are the same type of Christians that are running that school that I did not apply to. Perhaps someday we'll be teaching the inerrancy of the Bible in public schools one day.

Written for Episcorific

2010-02-08T19:39:00.002+01:00

Okay, so I wrote something for Episcorific, which is this "zine" for/by young adults in the Episcopal Church. It's pretty cool - I have been meaning to submit something to them since I first heard about it last year, but hadn't gotten around to it. In effort of my shameless promotion of my WCC project, I wrote something about Lent and violence. I thought I would share that with you. With no further ado:

I’ve been thinking about Lent 2010 for a long time. This is not a season that snuck up on me this year. The main reason is that I’m part of a team that is developing “Cries of Anguish, Stories of Hope: A Lenten study on the Worldwide Struggle to end Violence Against Women.” (You can check out the study http://women.overcomingviolence.org).

When I told some of my friends at Church here about this project, one quipped that “you’ve found a way to make Lent even more depressing.” Lent is depressing, but it’s depressing because our world is depressing. Lent is the time when we focus on the sins of this world. Lent is a time to understand our own complicity to these problems. Lent is a time where we look for Jesus’ love despite these problems. We look all the problems square in the eye and say “you cannot win.”

During my research and planning for this project I have learned about atrocities all over the world. Human trafficking is the most profitable black market industry in the world – with estimations going as high as $32 billion a year with over 27 million people currently enslaved. On average in South Africa a woman is raped every 26 seconds. In India, 21 women of the Dalit Caste (“untouchables”) are raped each week. In the UK, the police estimate that 95% of rapes are never even reported. In the US, it is estimated that between 2 and 4 million women are assaulted every year by their partners. I did this research – I found all this information, yet the image that I see when I close my eyes is a girl in a pink shirt playing in the dirt in front of her hut in the Democratic Republic of Congo while you can hear her father saying that she will have to be a prostitute because no man will want to marry someone who is tainted. She was raped while gathering firewood. Her attacker, while jailed for a few months, will go free. I see her face and her tears every time I close my eyes to think about violence against women. Hers is the story that I cannot forget.

Yet, as much as these stories are appalling what I am struggling with is my own place in the picture. What am I doing to contribute to or bring an end to violence against women? Am I ever complicit? I know I have thought, or even said that perhaps a woman could have done something to avoid being raped. As if she brought it on herself. I have believed that only “weak” women stay with abusers. If women were stronger they would just leave him. I have looked the other way when I see a girl being harassed on the street. I have failed to speak out when a man talks to me inappropriately in a bar, hoping he’ll just go away. My work to eliminate violence against women is a drop in the bucket. What am I doing in this depressing situation? Where is God in this?

Lent is the time that the Church sets aside for us to remember and focus on these tragedies. We do this, not because God is absent in all of this, but because these tragedies are precisely where God is. God’s love for people extends beyond the worst that can possibly happen. Jesus came into the world to give people the ability to live in hope despite our tragic circumstances. Despite all the facts that I listed above, God is here with us. God is giving us hope to face the terrible situations and make something better out of them.

If we lived in a rosy, perfect world we wouldn’t need Lent. If the only problems in our lives are who will organize the Parish Pot luck next week or where we’ll go on vacation next summer we would not need Lent. Lent is a time for us to look around us and look around the world at the serious problems. A time for us to understand the problems. A time for us to immerse ourselves in the problems. We have Lent to be depressed about the world.

Luckily, for us and the world, Lent is not the end, but only the beginning. We have Easter to live out the rest of the year. When we truly understand and relate to the seriously depressing situations in the world we can rejoice even more loudly that Jesus conquers all. Jesus is Lord.

Churchianity?

2010-02-05T06:54:00.004+01:00

I just discovered this blog.

Here is a quote from it:

It [Modern Church] promotes churchianity—the practice of making belief in Jesus largely focused on the habits and demands of the institutional church (doctrinal purity, religious behavior), rather than on God’s love.

So true! I see that all the time in churches I go to. It is more important to appear "religious" than to actually love people as God loves us. All I want to do is learn how to do that. I try, but I can't seem to go beyond what makes me comfortable. I signed up to volunteer here and perhaps that will help me. I'm going to be volunteering at a homeless services center. They do breakfast and clothing and financial advice. I'll see how that goes. I'm looking forward to it, and hopefully it will help me steer clear of the temptation of "churchianity."

Honestly, I think the fear of this sin is one of the reasons that I have not yet started seminary. I'm not 100% sure that I'd be going because I want to learn what God is calling me to - or because it would be the ultimate "right" thing to do in the Church. Go be ordained - there's nothing better than that, right? Perhaps I'll find out my own motivations as I get closer to deciding.

It would be so nice if going to Church and serving all the nice people at Church were what God intended for the Church. But instead I worry about social injustice and those that have so much less than the our abundance in the US. I see God's desire for justice. "Churchianity" is a tempting idol because it looks good. Especially in the US where "going to Church" is such a nice thing to do (I grew up in the Bible Belt - so it was the norm). Yet, if we were really following the Gospel and living like Christ we would not be "nice" at all. We would be prophetic and we would change our world. All you have to do is look at Jesus. Living out God's love got him killed by the Roman's.

Churchianity - it's a tempting sin. Pray that I, and all Christians, can avoid it.

My life

2010-01-31T12:36:00.002+01:00

My life seems a little boring right now. I mean I know about the "reverse" culture shock and all. But I had forgotten just how much difficult and depressing it really is. It is hard to go back to things when nothing is quite the same, but yet it doesn't feel all that different either.

I have quite a bit of time on my hands. So I have been watching TV. I just gorged myself on Torchwood. It is a spin off of the amazing British Sci-fi show, Doctor Who. In the past week I have watched all three seasons. I'm slightly ashamed to admit it - although the British seasons are not nearly as long as the American seasons, so it's only like watching a season and a half of an American show - or at least I tell myself that so I don't feel so horrible about it. And one of the season's was only 5 episodes. So that hardly even counts, right?

It is easy to overindulge when there is nothing stopping me. I have to work a few hours on my website for the WCC, but that is the only activity that I HAVE to do during the week. That and walk my dog. That is why I am going to start volunteering. Starting next week I am going to volunteer. I don't know where yet, but I'm sure there are some places here that need someone. Volunteers are always helpful. I'll post more on that once I start. Wish me luck!

Prayer

2010-01-28T19:41:00.005+01:00

Last night I watched the State of the Union address with some friends from my Church here in Austin. It was a good speech, but surprisingly, after the speech we got very off topic and started talking science and CERN and what effect the observer has on the observation. Quantum physics and Schrodinger's Cat etc. But eventually we got to prayer.

Prayer is one of those things that I don't really understand.

What does prayer do. What is the purpose of it? Is prayer a way that we can change God's mind? What does God do when two people are praying for completely opposite things? (like a football game - something inconsequential, yet whose prayer does God answer? If our team wins is that an answer to our prayer? If our team loses does that mean we don't have enough faith - I know this example is silly, but the question is still valid) Is prayer a way that we can affect the will of God? What happens when people die, even though we prayed for them? What happens when we don't see what we have been praying for? Or is prayer simply a comfort for us and it does nothing in the supernatural world? Prayer is simply a way for us to feel better, perhaps? If so, what is the point? Perhaps going and reading a good book will make us feel better, just the same.

I have experiences in my life where things have changed after I prayed - perhaps the change was only in me and my expectations then caused the change in my physical reality.

Here is an experience I just remembered, which doesn't quite fit that explanation. When I was in college I used to lead a Prayer group. We were very small, just usually two or three. One night, I was waiting by myself for the others to show up. I prayed that God would bring just one person that we hadn't invited. One new person. As soon as we were about to get started a girl I had never seen before came into the chapel asking if we were the ones praying. She had seen a flyer somewhere on campus. None of us had ever spoken to her. I know that her presence was an answer to that prayer. Perhaps she would have come anyway - but I know that God heard me. Maybe that was just a coincidence - but I can't believe in coincidences like that.

I don't know the purpose of prayer or how it works, but I do know that I don't use it often enough.

Women

2010-01-26T01:06:00.005+01:00

I am working on this project (http://women.overcomingviolence.org) with the World Council of Churches. As part of a Lenten study the site showcases different places around the world where people are working to eliminate violence against women. One of things that we are trying to do with this information is not to simply show what women in other parts of the world are doing, but to inspire women (and men) everywhere to work to eliminate violence against women in their context.

The first video that we have is about Dalit women in India. These women are part of the lowest caste in India and they have very few rights within their society, yet by working together they are being empowered to create change. Yet, the point of this video is not to see how amazing these women are over there. The point is to see that change is possible in any situation, no matter how dire it seems. Although this was our intention, I was not sure if was clear or not through our resources. However, today, after reading a review of the site that a friend of one of the coordinators wrote, I realize that our intention has come through.

I hope that if people choose to use this as their Lenten study that women will be inspired by these stories from around the world to create change in their communities, whatever the context. Inspiration for hope and change is the point of this study. I think that is the point of Lent too. We use the 40 days before Easter as a time to remember Jesus' suffering and the hopelessness that he experienced in the desert as a time to become fully aware of the suffering in our world, but then to see all of that through the lens of the Cross. The hope that comes from having a God that loves the world so much he suffers with us. Yet suffering is not the end. Far from it. Jesus' resurrection points to hope. To hope of a new way that is possible. Hope and inspiration.

I have a dog

2010-01-21T08:49:00.008+01:00

I have a dog (and no it's not the one that was pictured in the last post).

The reason I say this is that I now I have to take my dog out on walks. (okay, so technically he's not my dog - he lives in the house where I am housesitting and so I am also dogsitting). He is a really great dog! However, he needs to get out of the house at least twice a day for at least twenty minutes. This doesn't seem like much, except that I have time to think as I am walking around my neighborhood. I have to time to look at my watch and think. Sometimes I am in a hurry. Sometimes I am just walking enjoying the beautiful weather here.

Recently I have been thinking about rushing. I don't mean joining a sorority, I mean the fact that I am always trying to finish whatever I am doing. I am trying to move onto the next thing. I can't just sit and do the task I'm doing. I have to do that task as quickly as possible. The quicker I do something the better it is. However, walking a dog for twenty minutes cannot be done in less than twenty minutes. That means I cannot rush through this act. The fact that I cannot rush through my walk gives me the freedom to truly be present with my dog and with my feet and with the ground and with the trees as I am walking for a full twenty minutes.

I sometimes wish other activities had a timer on them. But alas, writing can be rushed through or procrastinated and there is no alarm that will ring telling me my writing is done. Only I can do that. I can take solace in the time I have during the day that I cannot rush through. The time I have walking my dog.

Church.. and other things

2010-01-18T18:01:00.007+01:00

(The picture is of my parents' new puppy)

I went to Church on Sunday. I know this is not a revelation, since I am supposedly a Christian. (I am still trying to figure out what the word Christian means - which is why I used the adjective "supposedly" - but I think that is what makes me a Christian - the constant struggle to define who I am in relation to Christ - this is getting way too deep for parentheses, so I'll post some other day on this topic).

I went to the Church of Conscious Harmony with my cousin who goes there regularly. I had been once before - but I didn't really pay attention last time. The Church is very modern - but built in a rustic style. The grounds are very large - it took me a few minutes of wandering about and down and around to find the sanctuary. The service itself included a few songs, a long sermon and some silence. They are big on centering prayer (or meditation). The congregation was 99% white, and mostly not grey-haired. I find this interesting because many "traditional" Churches in the US are simply filled with people who have white-grey hair. The fact that I had to search for the grey hairs in the crowd meant that this Church is doing something right in reaching out to younger folks. I know that whenever I go to an Episcopal Church I find the majority are older. However, growing up Episcopalian I am wary of all "non-traditional" Churches.

The sermon was on our unity with one another and God. I like the topic. I agree that we are all in it together, but I do draw the line. I do think that I am separate from other people. I do believe that I exist, in union with God and in connection with other people. Yet there is still I, there is still my will.

The pastor also preached on the passage from Matthew about separating the sheep from the goats. I know that passage and I sometimes find it comforting. When I am doing work that seems hard, I know that God is in each and every person that I am serving. That comforts me. What I find uncomfortable is that I know I have failed. I drove past two homeless men on the street on the way to Church who were asking for money. I didn't give either one of them a dime. I have seen the face of God in those people and turned away. Does that mean I am a goat? Is that point of redemption - that we fail to live up to these standards? But then what is the point? If we know we will fail, why try? (I suppose this is a little depressing - but this is what I am struggling with right now). Is our "final" judgment a big scale where God weighs our good actions with our bad? "Well this time you fed this hungry guy, but that time you left that poor guy without any clothes, and this time you went to the prison, but you only visited the one prisoner - so the other 3,948 inmates count against you." If that is the way God works then I know that my acts of compassion will weigh far less than my acts of uncompassion. I can't believe in a God like that. I don't want to worship a God like that. If that is God than I'd rather be an atheist. Yet, it says that our salvation is through faith alone. I suppose this is an eternal question about the Christian faith. What is the point?

Schedule

2010-01-16T06:42:00.004+01:00

The photo is one that I took on South Padre Island two days after Christmas.

My life in Texas so far has been one of lack of schedule. The only thing I have had on my plate for paid work is the eight hours a week that I'm continuing to work on this project for the WCC.

This means that I have a lot of free time on my hands. Aside from watching Firefly, I have been enjoying my new dog. (My house sitting gig comes with a dog!) I have never had my own dog before - I mean, I've always had a dog - but never one that dependent on me and me alone. This has added a new dynamic to how I think about things. For example, I left a party early last week because I knew that my dog had been alone for nearly 7 hours and I didn't want him to be alone for that long.

However, the dog does not require a schedule either. I do have to walk him a few times a day, but there are no set hours. I have found that I find it very easy to do nothing. Doing nothing has given me time to think.

During my retreat on the meaning of life recently we talked some about vocation. (I wish we had talked about it more) One of things I realized while we were talking was that most people when talking about what they want to be remembered for do not list specific achievements. Instead they list qualities: being generous, being a good parent, being kind to strangers, being loved. I took this to mean that our "vocation" - if that is what indeed we are called to do with our lives, what it is we are called to be remembered for -is not about what we do, but about who we are. With this revelation it changes the way that I look for (and listen for) my calling in life. My calling is not to a job or to a profession or perhaps even to a way of life but it is to my being - my vocation is to live my life. Therefore what I do is irrelevant to my sense of calling, to my vocation. I do not mean that actions are irrelevant but that if we live our lives as we are called than our actions will come naturally. I do not need to search and listen to see what "job" God is calling me to make my vocation but instead I need to listen and search so that I can hear who God is calling me to be. Out of my being will come the situation in which my vocation will be fulfilled.

Return to "Real" life

2010-01-10T02:46:00.004+01:00

So I am back now from my sojourn about the meaning of life. I didn't find the meaning of life, but I am glad I went.

I had coffee today with a friend that I met when I lived here in Austin before. It was great to reconnect with her. We had coffee at a place that we had been to before, when I lived here before. Being there with her made me realize how everything is the same and everything has changed. We are both different people than we were ten months ago. We have different everyday struggles. We are busying our lives with different activities. Yet we are the same. We are the same people, the same spirit. Everything is the same and everything is different.

I suppose this is part of the effects of culture shock that I experience as I return this "my" culture that feels foreign.

2010

2010-01-05T06:44:00.003+01:00

January 4, 2010. Looking at that date I feel like I was looking at a date in the future. Somehow going 2009 to 2010 makes me feel like the future is upon us. The future is here. Strange. I wonder what people thought we would have by 2010. Perhaps we have achieved that, perhaps surpassed it, perhaps not yet arrived. Yet we, as a human species have arrived at 2010. We made it. Congratulations.

Christmas and New Years were good. I am back in Texas now! I have officially left Geneva - although I am keeping this blog simply because it is easier than changing. (Although I am still working for a Geneva-based organization, so perhaps that counts)

I have been busy, but yet I do not feel like I've settled in yet. I have not yet found my routine - perhaps that will not come very quickly. Perhaps that will come quicker than I anticipate. We will see.

I am going to a conference later this week about the meaning of life. I know it sounds cheesy - but if the meaning of life is in how we the life that we are given, then I think that the conference I'm going to this week will be about how to live meaningfully. I will report on the conference. ;)

I watched a good German movie tonight "What to do in case of fire". It challenged me because it was about activists 15 years after their heyday of activism. Some had remained "committed" some had "sold out". It was interesting to see their commentary on what it meant to be committed to a movement. I think about this because I wonder where I will be in 15 years. Will I be involved in the work I am doing now? Will I be doing something something different? Who knows?

Absence

2009-12-29T04:54:00.003+01:00

Sorry I have been absent from blogging for so long. I will return on January 4th.

Timing

2009-12-20T07:14:00.003+01:00

Timing is everything, or so they say. Sometimes I have to agree with them. Yesterday timing meant everything to me. A few minutes was the difference between me being on the flight I had booked and me standing in the airport cursing my luck.

I could have made the flight, but of course I made stupid mistakes that you make because you are rushing and then you make more mistakes that make you later and then I was so late the I could not check my bags. I could not get on my flight without my bags so I am still here in Chicago.

Missing a flight is not the end of the world, however it is very difficult for me. I DO NOT miss flights. I consider myself a pretty savvy traveler. I make many flights a year, yet I have never missed a flight. I can handle missing luggage or a plane being delayed or even perhaps running to catch a train - but I cannot miss a flight.

One reason that missing a flight is so hard for me is that there is no one else to blame. I'd like to say it was my cousin's fault since she was driving me. Or I would like to say it was my brother's fault for keeping me at his house until 3 am. But in reality the blame lies squarely on my shoulders. I have no one else to blame, even partly. I lie sometimes and say this person told me that or this person didn't do that. Yet, I have to reckon with my own failure.

You see this is the hard part for me. I do not like to look at my mistakes and where I mess up. (Which I'm assuming I'm not the only one in this category). I generally do things well. I am pretty successful in life and when I can't do things well, I generally don't do them or I accept that I can't do them. (like climbing trees, hiking or tying balloons) When I think that if I put out a reasonable amount of effort I should succeed and then I don't - that is when I'm the angriest. I'm angry at myself for missing my plane. There was no real harm done. (except to my credit card).

Chicago

2009-12-16T15:56:00.004+01:00

I made it to Chicago. Chicago is a very special city. You may not know it, but I was born here in the Windy City. It is cold, though, now. Colder than Geneva. I almost feel misleading since this blog is at the address "Maryann in Geneva" and now that is no longer true. No longer will I be living in Geneva. Although my life is still an experiment - so perhaps that is okay. I am still trying to figure out how to live my life and be authentic.

Chicago is a great city - with lots of my family. Family is so important, although I often take them for granted. I just assume that they will always be there for me. Thank you family, for being here for me.

I am also reflecting on this year. It is the end of the calendar year and the end of a year long experiment for me. It is also a return. I'm returning to a city I know I love, to a church I love and a job I love. I've gone full circle in 2009.

It's over

2009-12-12T10:55:00.008+01:00

Yesterday was my last day of work. This experiment that I started a little more than a year ago is done. Yet, I am a completely different person. I had my "exit interview" with my supervisor yesterday. I left a pile of papers for the next intern. I finished It's strange to think that I will never be back there. I feel good about it. I feel like I have achieved something.

With prayer and hard work I made this year happen. It was not guaranteed in any way that I would or could stay for this long here in Switzerland doing this job. Yet, it worked out. God has been so good to me this year! I talk about my faith on this blog and God some - but I really think I have learned a lot about my faith and about God this year.

I was recently asked what I thought of my office. I am amazed that the six of us that work there, now five without me, are able to do all the things that we do. My supervisor and my boss work harder than anyone I know. These six people are making sure that the students around the world's voice are being heard on global summits. From Copenhagen to The commission on the Status of Women - we are making sure Christian Student Voices are heard. The thing is we are very clear in our office that we are not the students or the voices - but instead are helping them to be heard. I am amazed at the work we do. I'm very grateful that I was part of it for a year.

Although I know this was only the beginning and I will be part of WSCF for a long time.

I'm heading back to the States in just a few days. I can't quite believe it. The photos are from my weekend away in the alps.

My first day of my last week

2009-12-07T17:46:00.002+01:00

I spent the weekend in the Alps at a "chalet". I really did go to the Alps this weekend. A friend of mine's parents have a vacation apartment in this small town called St. Luc. It is the most picturesque place I've ever been. All those pictures of the snow covered mountains with the houses with the perfect snow on top of them all nicely lined up with the sloping roofs. Those pictures were probably taken in St. Luc. Although I had a wonderful time, I realized that I truly am a city girl. I mean, I loved the nature and the snow and everything - but I would much prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a coffee shop in a big city knowing that there are a thousand people walking past the door of the coffee shop that will never come in, and may never even know it exists.

I think that my coffee shop experience and going away to "nature" serve the same purpose. At least they do for me. I am reminded of how insignificant I am and how blessed I am. When I'm staring at those huge mountains that God created I realize just how little I really am. How fragile my life is. I see for an instant that the World is so much bigger than what I'm doing or my problems or my life. I also see that in the bottom of my coffee cup. I hear that as I listen to people talk in coffee shops about their lives and their problems and their gods. I am reminded of how blessed I am and how insignificant my life is. But also how important it is - to me and to God.

Sorry I don't have any pictures yet. I haven't taken them off my camera. Today was the first day of my last week at work.

one week... (plus a few days)

2009-12-03T17:44:00.006+01:00

I have just over one week of work left. This is strange. It feels like I just arrived yesterday. I can still remember setting up my blog when I was in Austin, TX and Geneva was just an idea of a far away place. Now, I have one week left to finish. One week left to do what I will do. Then I will be back in Austin. While I could continue to work for WSCF as a volunteer it will be much harder and I'm not going to lie to them or myself and say that I will do things that I might do, but probably will be too busy to do.

I have one week left. It is a little daunting. I am currently doing the mail out for Fed News. Which means that today was spent folding newsletters and stuffing envelopes and tomorrow will be more of the same. However, it will feel good to be done. Hopefully, if you're on my mailing list you'll get a copy (plus a personalized note) mailed out next week.

Also, I am still trying to finish Student World -WSCF's ecumenical journal - but my finishing it is a BIG question and there is also questions about what will happen after I leave. We will see, I suppose.

One week. I still can't believe it. It will happen, though, and I will be back in Texas very soon.

This picture was taken when I was in Edinburgh, Scotland (not to be confused with Edinburg, TX) by my friend I was visiting. It's one of my favorites.

Living in Switzerland

2009-12-01T11:50:00.002+01:00

Sunday was an eventful day. Apart from being the Launch of the new Philip Potter Fund of the WSCF Centennial Fund. It was also the day of "votation". The Swiss went to the polls with two very important issues, among many others. First was a law that would insert a phrase into the constitution to ban building more minarets. The second was a law that would have outlawed the sales of arms to foreign countries. For a country that is supposedly neutral, they sell 6% of the world's weapons. The first passed and the second failed.

Switzerland, the land of chocolate, banks, cheese and neutrality, failed to live up to it's reputation on Sunday. Instead of choosing to be prophetic and reject the racism and xenophobia loosely clothed as "freedom from Islamic law" the majority, 57.5%, of Swiss chose the path of least resistance. The path of hatred. The poster here was all over Geneva. Although I only saw the French version - loosely translated it says "Stop" vote yes on the ban on minarets.

This very thinly veiled racism is unacceptable. We must not stand for this. I cannot believe that I live in a country that is supposed to be a land of freedom, but instead the people here have chosen to embrace hatred and fear rather than embracing those that are different and trying to learn from them.

Here's what I think...

2009-11-28T10:21:00.005+01:00

I read this article the other day in the New York Times. (It is my homepage) The article, basically, states that a group of leaders from the Catholic and Orthodox Church are going to refuse to follow laws that require them to recognize same-sex unions or marriages. They are signing an official document, to be released soon, to that effect. They are saying, in effect, that if a country creates a law that they believe to be wrong they will not follow it.

It really outraged me! It made me so angry with leaders in the Church and with the theology that they must use. Here is the quote that made me the angriest:

“We argue that there is a hierarchy of issues,” said Charles Colson, a prominent evangelical who founded Prison Fellowship after serving time in prison for his role in the Watergate scandal. “A lot of the younger evangelicals say they’re all alike. We’re hoping to educate them that these (abortion, homosexuality, and religious freedom) are the three most important issues.”

I do agree there is a hierarchy of issues. I would include religious freedom, but I think that abortion and homosexuality are on the bottom of my list. I would put the things that Jesus talked about in the Gospels on the top of my list. The last time I checked Jesus did not mention either homosexuality or abortion. He talked about loving our neighbors. He talked about selling all that we have and giving the money to the poor. He talked about treating all people with dignity and respect. He talked about not creating a difference between the rich and the poor. Jesus talked about social justice.

As angry as I am about the issues they are targeting, I do agree with the basic premise. If a country makes a law that we believe to be morally wrong, we have the obligation to not follow it. We need to tell the government that they cannot do whatever they want. I pray, though, that the Holy Spirit is strong enough to overcome people like this. That if I pray for them and they are true believers that they will be able to see that their actions are bigoted and that they will be able to change. I can only pray.

The other thing that makes me angry about this article is that those of us who disagree with the more conservative Christians, and also identify as Christian, get a bad rap. I mean I am left defending these positions that I disagree with simply because I know that they are my brothers ad sisters in Christ. Therefore I cannot just write these people off as crazy nutters - but instead I must wrestle with their theology and them in order to learn how to pray for them. Once again, my only recourse is prayer.

On an unrelated note - that picture I took in Neuchatel, Switzerland. I decided my blog needed more photos.

Overwhelmed.. but making it

2009-11-26T17:50:00.003+01:00

This week has been a bit overwhelming. It's the little things that throw me off the most.

Two little things:
1. My 'N' key is sticking. This means that I have to pay attention every time I want to have the letter 'n' appear. It's not a big deal - but somehow it makes me feel a little off.
2. On Monday, I left my plug adapter at home. I had taken it off of my computer to use with my camera charger and then I forgot to put it back on to my computer. I showed up at work Monday morning and voila my computer was a paperweight for the day. A small thing, but that made me very off balance all week.

However, this week has been good in many other ways. We hit our first target deadline for my project with the WCC. (http://women.overcomingviolence.org) I think the site looks great! (although I am a bit biased). It has just been stressful. I also have been working on Student World again. And Fed News. The latest edition is available online! All of this means that I am working on about 10 different projects. And to top it all off I agreed (a long time ago) to help organize the Ecumenical Learning Session this week. Which was supposed to be Wednesday, but we moved to Friday because we were too busy. It will be fun! We're doing a Christmas Tradition theme. So we'll just talk about what we do for Christmas and drink hot chocolate and decorate Gingerbread cookies! So excited! So fun things, but yet a little stressful.

This week has been stressful, but I think I am getting my work done. I'm feeling better about it - although it has FLOWN by. I feel like yesterday was Monday. Tomorrow is already Friday.

My work here is rewarding. My project with the WCC got picked up by Christianity Today. There is also a Christian News Channel in New Zealand that is looking to do a story on our study too! So I feel like this study we are designing might actually make a difference in people's lives. I hope (and pray) that it does. I suppose all this work is worth it in the end.

On another, unrelated note, I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving tonight by eating a traditional Scottish meal! Haggis, neeps and tatties (which apparently in English means Haggis - ie. sheeps innards - with mashed potatoes and turnips).

The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

2009-11-24T15:00:00.005+01:00

Tomorrow, November 25, is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

I have bee working on a project now for a while with the WCC about eliminating violence against women. Originally we were planning to have this project coincide with Advent, which is the Church season that leads up to Christmas. I believe it starts this upcoming Sunday. However, due to technical reasons we decided to postpone our Bible Study until Lent 2010. (Lent is the Church season leading up to Easter - it is longer 6 weeks vs. 4 weeks - but the timing is much better).

However, in preparation for tomorrow we have been preparing a "test" week of our website. We have made what is the first week of our six week Bible Study. What is even better is that you can go look at it! http://women.overcomingviolence.org Please go check it out and tell all your friends about it.

Last week I did most of the work getting everything up there. This week I have a little bit left to do. Of course, we have only gotten one week up - one of six. So there is still a lot of work to be done. I am so excited about having this page done! I am really proud of it. I think it will be a good study. I hope that people will be able to use it in their Churches and that women will feel empowered by watching these videos and by reading the Bible that we can actually make a difference.

Turkey!

2009-11-21T19:10:00.003+01:00

So I've decided to celebrate American Thanksgiving here in Geneva.

The real day is next Thursday. (We celebrate Thanksgiving on the 4th Thursday of November). However, as this is not the United States - Thanksgiving is not a holiday. So I decided to have it on this Sunday instead. I am very excited about it. Last time I hosted Thanksgiving, I was in France and it was a great success - however, I never found a turkey. We ended up eating Guinea Fowl and Chicken. This time we have a turkey! Sort of. I went to Manor - which is one of the more expensive Department stores in town which has a very nice food section. They had turkeys. Actual turkeys! The price said "1.98" I was hoping this was per kilo. It was per 100 g. Therefore, if a turkey weighed 8 kilos. (about 18 pounds) it would cost 160 swiss francs (remember the swiss franc and the US dollar are about even). So I decided that I could not possibly buy a turkey from Manor.

Then today I went to France. We went to the little market in the border town of Ferney. It's a great French Market. Somehow the French have managed to find the right combination of vegetables, cheese vendors and butchers (and kebab stands and clothing stores) that makes a market just perfect. I will definitely miss French markets when I'm back in the States. I asked all the butchers if they had turkeys. None did, some said they could order one for me for next weekend. But none. Then we went to the Hyper Champion (This is the equivalent of Wal-Mart) in the town. We looked and we asked and finally we found all the prepackaged chickens. Not pre-cooked - just wrapped. We found a large bird. It looks about the size of turkey. The picture of the front of it looks sort of like a turkey. But - it has in big letters "coq". Which means rooster in French! So my turkey is most likely a rooster - but I'm just going to let myself believe that it's a turkey. You have to have turkey for Thanksgiving!

I'm very excited about the meal. It should be great! It'll be as American as I can make it over here. (Although there won't be any pecan pie because I could't find corn syrup)

I'm glad I get to celebrate this holiday with my friends here in Geneva. I suppose that they are what I'm thankful for this year. (among a myriad of other things!)